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4play See other 4play Articles Title: Texas to Televise Executions Live on Pay-Per-View The State of Texas passed a law today allowing death penalty executions to be aired live on pay-per-view television. As part of the deal with a local production company, the execution procedure will be changed to ensure the deaths of prisoners last at least 12 hours. Officials say the goals of the new policy are to deter crime, entertain law-abiding citizens, and partially defray the cost of executing prisoners. Texas Gov. Rick Perry has been a longtime champion of the idea, telling The Cowboy Gazette, “At the end of the day, the guy’s still dead. What’s the difference if they die in a minute or eight hours? At a certain point, the criminal will become unconscious, so it’s not really torture if he’s unconscious.” The company Live Execution has signed a ten year deal with the state to add an entertainment aspect to the typically solemn proceedings. Chief Operating Officer Toby Bush told the newspaper, “We want each execution to be a spectacle for the whole family. We here in Texas take our death penalties very seriously, and now we can show our pride in serving justice the right way, the Texas way.” Public tour groups will go through the execution room every 15 minutes at the cost of $150 per person. “We only kill a couple hundred people a year, so the execution supply is low,” Bush said. “Demand for executions among the Bible Belt exceeds our expectations.” Tickets on secondary market StubHub are already going for $1,700 for the inaugural 12-hour execution. Several local Texan markets will also have the option to watch the execution via Pay Per View for $39.99 for standard definition and $49.99 in high definition. The viewing will include watching the inmate eat their last meal and say their final words. “While Pay Per View is great, nothing beats the live execution experience,” Bush said. “ We are proud to bring both to the great state of Texas.” The policy will only apply to executions if the prisoner is over 18. Minors will have a traditional Texas execution that takes less than an hour to perform and only the family of the victims may attend. Gov. Perry will provide televised commentary for the first 12-hour execution, and he expressed his excitement for the new policy: “The public viewing will deter crime and bring in much needed funding for more prisons.” Death Proof Outrage over Texas's new execution policy has stirred controversy among some far-left liberals calling a 12-hour torture “terrible” “uncivilized” and “unconstitutional.” Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren told CBS Sunday Morning News, “What else can you expect from Texas? Their policy is barbaric and takes our civilization back a thousand years. “It’s funny that Texans hate the Middle East because they sure have a lot in common.” As many states have abolished the death penalty entirely, Texas has embraced it and taken it to heights not seen since Roman times. “What are they going to do next? Have inmates fight to the death on Pay Per View? It’s a George Carlin joke coming to real life,” said Warren. “God, please let the Supreme Court put an end to this cruel and unusual punishment, even for Texas.” Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 2.
#2. To: X-15 (#0)
You sure that this isn't one of The Onion's false news sites?
#3. To: Katniss (#2)
Quite often, it's better.
Notice that I filed this under 4play :)
Yes, satire site.
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