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Miscellaneous See other Miscellaneous Articles Title: The Most Important Lesson IÂ’ve Taught My Son So Far The Most Important Lesson I’ve Taught My Son So Far Erin Zammett Ruddy January 15, 2015 The Most Important Lesson I’ve Taught My Son So Far Photo by Erin Zammett Ruddy A few weeks ago I punished my son in a way that I had been punished as a child. I felt like I taught him an important lesson and was proud of myself —but now I wonder if it was the right thing to do. The backstory: Over the holidays, I took my three young children into a fancy chocolate shop to buy a hostess gift. That alone was a recipe for disaster but I implored them not to touch anything or act like wild animals. I was feeling pretty good about the outing until halfway home when I peeked in the rearview mirror and noticed my 7-year-old son playing with a plastic noisemaker. “Um, where did you get that, Alex?!” “Did you buy it?” Did I buy it?” “Did you take it?!” Long story short: He had stolen the toy. I kept my cool—even when he said, “but it was only a $1.50, mom!”—and explained why it was unacceptable to take things we didn’t buy. I also said he would be returning to the store to apologize and return the item. A few hours later, I marched my son back to the store with two dollars from his piggy bank. I stood by the door as he walked sheepishly to the counter and told the clerk that he had taken something without paying for it, that he was sorry and that he would pay for it now. (He couldn’t return the thing because in typical 7-year-old fashion, he broke it on the way home.) Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched him fidget nervously and search the clerk’s face for a sign of approval. STORY: Dada vs. Mama: The Science Behind Baby’s First Word I felt a little cruel for embarrassing my normally law-abiding child like that—and I know exactly how awful he was feeling. Returning to the scene of the crime is the same shame-inducing punishment I received when I was five and stole something from a hardware store. I remember my dad pulling a tire-screeching U-turn and sending me back to return the item. (I recall it being a nut or a bolt — not sure what the allure was there.) It remains one of my clearest childhood memories, and as much as I thought my dad overreacted, his actions helped shape me throughout my life. After that mortifying day, I never stole again. When some of my friends went through a klepto-phase, snagging snap bracelets from the drug store or Razzles from the 7-11, I stayed home. One time in junior high, we all planned to ditch a cab but I secretly left $10 on the seat. My dad taught me such an important lesson 30 years ago and I saw an opportunity to do the same for my son. STORY: Candace Cameron Bure: I Want My Husband to Lead Fortunately, the clerk at the chocolate shop was gracious. She told my son he had done the right thing and when she caught my eye, I smiled in thanks and we left. I told my son that I was proud of him and to remember how awful the experience felt. We left it at that. My son is tough and confident so I knew it wouldn’t unravel him to face the music but I still tear up at the memory. As it turns out, my father did know best. “Returning to the store is absolutely the right thing to do,” Laura Markham, Ph.D., a New York City-based child psychologist and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kid, tells Yahoo Parenting. “Many children steal—they’re not born knowing the rules so it’s our job to teach them and it’s not by smacking their hand every time they break the rule — it’s by lovingly setting limits.” Poster Comment: Good life's lesson here. ;) Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 1.
#1. To: BTP Holdings (#0)
It's only wrong, if you get caught. This morality has to stop. Thanks for the memories! Am I wrong? .
#2. To: 2dollarbill (#1)
Mrs. Ruddy said that she "punished her son in the same way that she was punished when she was a child." she also wondered if she had done the right thing. You know what? A good hide tanning can help a youngster remember what he did wrong. My mother was the disciplinarian in the household since my father was usually at work. ;)
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