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Title: My Wife is Missing
Source: [None]
URL Source: [None]
Published: Jan 16, 2015
Author: staff
Post Date: 2015-01-16 23:01:21 by Horse
Keywords: None
Views: 371
Comments: 9

A husband went to the sheriff's department to report that his wife was missing: Husband: - My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant : - What is her height?

Husband: - Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five feet tall.

Sergeant: - Weight?

Husband: - Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: - Color of eyes?

Husband: - Never noticed. Blue, I think.

Sergeant : - Color of hair?

Husband: - Changes a couple times a year . ... . maybe reddish.

Sergeant: - What was she wearing?

Husband: - Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: - What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: - She went in my truck.

Sergeant: - What kind of truck was it?

Husband: - Brand new 2014 Ford F150 King Ranch 4 X4 with Eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats, DVD with Navigation, 21 channel CB radio , 6 cup holders, 4 power outlets, custom “Bubba” floor mats, trailering package with gold hitch.

Put on special alloy wheels and off road Michelin's. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.

The Sergeant took notes in detail. At this point the husband started tearing up.

Sergeant: - Don't worry.......We’ll find your truck.

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#1. To: Horse (#0)

LOL !

Stoner  posted on  2015-01-16   23:26:24 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

LOL indeed

Katniss  posted on  2015-01-17   9:39:47 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

bump this

“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.” ~ H. L. Mencken

Lod  posted on  2015-01-17   9:42:24 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck.

She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.

He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!"

He did just that.

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Sometimes,no matter how hard you try,there just ain't no pleasing them!

When government gains the power to control the use of private property, it becomes possible for the politically dominant to profit by high commodity prices using government regulation to constrain supply. One merely drives competitors out of business by manipulating the perception of risk to a land use preferred by a democratic majority. - Mark Edward Vande Pol

farmfriend  posted on  2015-01-17   11:37:14 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

Wrong Email Address

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the Floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: December 16, 2008

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

When government gains the power to control the use of private property, it becomes possible for the politically dominant to profit by high commodity prices using government regulation to constrain supply. One merely drives competitors out of business by manipulating the perception of risk to a land use preferred by a democratic majority. - Mark Edward Vande Pol

farmfriend  posted on  2015-01-17   11:39:53 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.'

He addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently and whispered, it's 'Pillsbury-All-purpose', isn't it?'

...And thus began Walter's life of celibacy.

When government gains the power to control the use of private property, it becomes possible for the politically dominant to profit by high commodity prices using government regulation to constrain supply. One merely drives competitors out of business by manipulating the perception of risk to a land use preferred by a democratic majority. - Mark Edward Vande Pol

farmfriend  posted on  2015-01-17   11:41:22 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

One of the best - thanks.

“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.” ~ H. L. Mencken

Lod  posted on  2015-01-17   11:42:30 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

Like ;)

christine  posted on  2015-01-17   18:30:47 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

Hilarious!

Deasy  posted on  2015-01-17   20:56:14 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

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