Ladies and Gentlemen, today we wish to reflect on the horrible incident in Waco Texas this last weekend, the murder of nine and the injury of eighteen more. In retrospect we can see a single common denominator of this vicious act of wanton murder. I'm speaking of course of the Harley Davidson motor cycle. Many weapons were used at Waco, but every one of those criminals rode a Harley. The Harley Davidson motorcycle therefore is the problem. If we think back on every single act of motorcycle gang violence in our country for over a century, we see that in every incident the perpetrators rode a Harley Davidson motorcycle. To any thinking person the solution is simple, ban Harley Davidson motorcycles.
Anyone can see that no one needs one-hundred and two cubic inches of motor as many of these motorcycles of mass destruction have. Motors that large are not needed to commute to ones every day job, or pick up groceries at your local supermarket. Motors that size can only be good for one thing, inciting murder and mayhem in our streets.
Banning them therefore, must be done for our children's sake. What would happen if these monster motorcycles are allowed to continue on the highways, streets, and roads of America? It will be a disaster. Men, women, and children cowering in terror as these mammoth motorcycles roam the cities and villages of America causing wanton destruction. Blood will run in our streets.
Now we don't want to ban all motorcycles, just these Harley Davidsons. We don't care if you want a Honda, or a Kawasaki, or even a Vespa motorscooter. These have a purpose. Hondas are ridden in almost all motocrosses. Kawasakis are also well represented in sports. Harley's have no sporting purpose. They're too big and loud to run a motocross, or a trials race. They can't compete, they have no use except terrorizing innocent people.
Now we realize how difficult it will be to ban these monsters outright. So what we propose is tapered ban. To that end we have partnered with your local supermarket to have a Harley Davidson buy back program. We will give a one-hundred dollar gift certificate for rich, healthy organic food to anyone turning in a Harley Davidson motorcycle, no questions asked.
We don't care if it's a brand new two thousand sixteen V-Rod Harley, or an old nineteen sixty-one pan head. Bring it in and get your certificate. We'll even give you the gift certificate if you bring in a 1930s Harley Davidson knuckle head engine that is not running! We need desperately to rid our nation of this plague.
We are also today asking Senators Diane Banstein and Upchuck Scummer to immediately introduce legislation to permanently ban these horrible machines in our nation.
A march will be held in Washington D.C. on July 12 led by a motorcade of Vespa motorscooters and Honda mopeds to demonstrate our commitment to ridding ourselves of this menace. Please join us. And please donate to our cause. Our website is www.ban-all-scary-things.dum