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Title: Laws of Computer Programming
Source: [None]
URL Source: [None]
Published: Mar 30, 2020
Author: Hoare (1980)
Post Date: 2020-03-30 00:47:35 by Esso
Keywords: None
Views: 3331
Comments: 16

1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.

3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

4. If a program is useless, it will have to be sold at a much higher cost.

5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.

6. The value of a program is proportional to the uselessness of its purpose.

7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.

8. Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.

Poster Comment:

Packer's Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  

Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 4.

#1. To: Pinguinite (#0)

This one's for you ol' buddy!

Crap, I'm bored.

Esso  posted on  2020-03-30   0:50:29 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

At a recent computer exposition, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If General Motors had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

In response to Bill’s comments, GM issued a press release stating: “If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “General Protection Fault” message painted across the windshield, which would turn a bright blue color.
7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.

Pinguinite  posted on  2020-03-30   1:10:10 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

#5. To: Pinguinite (#4) (Edited)

I guess we don't need Bill for cars now (we'll leave the vaccines to him).

We've got Elon! Gates squared.

Esso  posted on  2020-03-30 01:32:40 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

Whew, concentrated cynicism! Do ppl hate their puters that much (even allowing for hyperbole), do any of them actually stop that often?

Sounds like programmers have a miserable, jaded life.

NeoconsNailed  posted on  2020-03-30 02:41:29 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

That sounds like on the TV show Green Acres when Lisa was trying to learn how to drive a car. She called the gear shift lever for the automatic transmission a "PRNDL". LOL

BTP Holdings  posted on  2020-03-30 12:05:29 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  

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