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See other 4play ArticlesTitle: Bush Fires The People Responsible for Leaks
Source:
djpauledge.com/blog
URL Source: http://www.djpauledge.com/blog.php?id=125
Published: Apr 6, 2006
Author: djpauledge
Post Date: 2006-04-08 10:32:33 by robin
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Views: 32
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It a startling turn around for a White House that avoids dismissing key personnel for any reason whatsoever, Scott McClellan today announced that President Bush had given instructions for the immeadiate termination of the White House Plumbing contract held by established DC firm, Acme Plumbing INC.
McClellan, speaking at this morning`s White House Press briefing stated,. "When President Bush said on June 10 2004 that "anyone found to be responsible for leaks in the White House would be fired" he meant it. This is a War Time President, he makes the tough choices that his role as President demands. For the last 2 years, there has been a smell, no not the stench of hypocrisy, but more of a mildew scent coming from one of the guest bathrooms in the White House. Repeated demands by top administration staff to get to the bottom of this were ignored. On Tuesday April 4, the First Lady Laura Bush was looking for some empty bottles, I am not sure what those empty bottles were, and she happened to look under the sink in the guest bathroom. To everyone`s horror, a faucet was leaking and had ruined the wall paper behind the sink. President Bush has therefore requested the immeadiate cancellation of Acme Plumbing`s White House contract. President Bush dispises leaks, he has said so on numerous occasions, especially those kind of leaks that can cause untold damage to the structural intergrity of the White House, which, if left undetected, allows rot to set in, and before you know it, the whole White House could crumble around President Bush. In a futher attempt to negate the security risk posed by these leaks, President Bush has authorised, under executive priviledge, the immeadiate removal of all stainless steel faucets around America in America homes, and asked for them to be replaced by ones made out of copper wire. These wire taps for every American citizen are essential in the war on terror in this post - 911 world "
David Gregory, of MSNBC, pushed McClellan for more information as to the nature of the leak. McClellan remained tight lipped when he responded; " We believe at this stage it was from the faucet handle, but cannot comment any further until the investigation by the new plumbing company "Delay Plumbing Inc" has completed. Gregory then asked for details as to the damage done, McClellan replied that there was a stain on the wall and some yellow wallpaper had started to curl but he assured the White House Press Corps that the President would not rest until all the culprits of the attacks of September 11 were brought to justice.
Reaction to the press conference was immeadiate from all sides of the political spectrum. On MSNBC`s Hardball, hosted by Chris Matthews, DC plumbing experts Gannonrod, explained that even the smallest leak can be very unpleasant and leave a horrendous odour and praised President Bush for his swift and immeadiate response. Not surprisingly, Fox News were equally impressed, comparing President Bush`s actions to those of Abraham Lincoln. In an emotional programme, Sean Hannity revealed to his audience that whilst he agreed with the President in principle, Americans should remember that not all leaks were bad, as the condom his parents were using when he was conceived proved. Guest Anne Coulter also pointed out to Americans that most leaks occur from left wing faucets and as a side note, admitted that she was a whore of Satan.
Politicians from both sides of the aisle were quick to comment. House Majority Leader Bill Frists stated "From the pictures I have seen, and my experience as a doctor, the mildew was definately alive. President Bush should be praised for his swiftness in dealing with this problem in the War on Terror". Long time Bush supporter and ally, John Kerry was equally as complimentary , but we fell asleep by the time he finished his speech.
The move by President Bush wasn`t universally appreciated however. In the Middle East, Osama Bin Leaken called for a Jihad on behalf of all oppressed faucets in the world, meanwhile in the UAE, it was revealed that President Bush had signed an Executive Order transferring control on Faucet Manufacturing to them. The UAE immeadiately protested that they had only made the faucets, however, under another executive order, President Bush has transferred the inspection of these faucets to the Chinese military, who are hiring illegal Chinese immigrants disguised as Mexicans under a front company owned by a North Korean "businessman" who has his corporate office in Iran, to do the inspections.
Reaction to these latest revelations are still coming in, however it is believed that CNN have a full medical emergency team on hand for tomorrow`s Lou Dobbs show as he is expected to self-combust.
Evolving.........
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