I'm retiring my ushanka. I talked to a scared, old lady today who crochets. I asked her to make me a bright pink, pussy hat. I told her that I wanted to be seen coming from a mile away.
She looked it up on Al Gore's internets while we were talking. She said it might be difficult, but she could talk to some of her crocheting buddies. I told her no hurry, I just wanted to be "in fashion" if I ever go out again.
I wanted to tell her to put some lips and a clit on it, but that was kinda creepy given her age (80+).
My buddies will get a kick out of that fucking with me, but they do that anyway. Not one will stand opposed though.