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Title: Here's What's Problematic With Each Of The NFL's 32 Team Names
Source: Babylon Bee
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/heres-w ... each-of-the-nfls-32-team-names
Published: Jul 13, 2020
Author: Babylon Bee
Post Date: 2020-07-13 22:20:42 by Bill D Berger
Keywords: None
Views: 58
Comments: 5

Amid calls for justice, NFL teams are taking bold steps to change their team names and end racism. This has caused controversy since everyone is racist. Are you confused? Never fear! We at The Babylon Bee are here to educate you. We believe that all 32 teams were built by a system of whiteness that must be dismantled, one team name at a time. 

We MUST do better. Here is why every NFL team name is very problematic:

Arizona Cardinals - Too religious.

Atlanta Falcons - Celebrates one of the cheapest Smash Bros. characters, who is a smug little punk only jerks choose.

Baltimore Ravens - Named after the Disney Channel show That's So Raven without the POC protagonist's permission.

Buffalo Bills - Bills are an evil byproduct of capitalism.

Carolina Panthers - The panther was appropriated wholesale from Wakandan culture.

Chicago Bears - Murderous bears should never be celebrated.

Cincinnati Bengals - It just sounds racist. We're looking into it.

Cleveland Browns - Brown what? Are you talking about skin color again? Sounds like white fragility.

Dallas Cowboys - A mutant half boy, half cow is tragic and shouldn’t be used as a mascot.

Denver Broncos - Horses have been subjugated and enslaved for millennia.

Detroit Lions - Lions are not vegans.

Green Bay Packers - Glorifies butcherous meat packers. Meat causes global warming. Gross.

Houston Texans - Celebrates the most racist state in the Union.

Indianapolis Colts - This name glorifies guns.

Jacksonville Jaguars - Jaguars are driven by evil rich billionaires as they run over poor people.

Kansas City Chiefs - We suggest switching to Kansas City Wise Indigenous Tribal Elders.

Las Vegas Raiders - Celebrates The Raiders of the Lost Ark, which featured prominent Nazi imagery.

Los Angeles Chargers - We don't think anyone who has faced down a line of charging riot police would find this name the least bit funny.

Los Angeles Rams - Dodge Rams contribute heavily to the climate crisis.

Miami Dolphins - Painful reminder that Sea World still exists.

Minnesota Vikings - Associated with patriarchy-dominated Norse mythology.

New England Patriots - FREEEEEEEEEEEE!

New Orleans Saints - Goes against the constitutional principle of separation of church and sports.

New York Giants - They prefer the term "persons of height." 

New York Jets - The burning of jet fuel contributes to global warming.

Philadelphia Eagles - Eagles are a well-known Nazi symbol.

Pittsburgh Steelers - Steel contributes to global warming.

San Francisco 49ers- The gold miner mascot hearkens back to manifest destiny and the destruction of Mother Earth

Seattle Seahawks - Birds are unable to give consent to have their name used as mascots.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - This one's actually OK because they were probably just stealing bread to feed their families.

Tennessee Titans - Reinforces the harmful idea of power structures and male-dominated hierarchies.

Washington Redskins - Nothing wrong with this one as far as we can tell.


We hope this informative list is a wake-up call to the NFL. If we continue to work on ourselves, we can help the NFL become more inclusive! Within 20 years, we may get them to put down the ball and kick it around as the ancient Aztecs intended us to. 

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#1. To: Bill D Berger (#0)

Fun! I like that 'painful reminder' bit -- the idiotic fraze used in pioneering the original cancel culture, the suppression of Southern and Confederate themes. Even a display of cotton growing and processing was called "a painful reminder of slavery".

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USA! USA! USA! Bringing you democracy, or else! there were strains of VD that were incurable, and they were first found in the Philippines and then transmitted to the Korean working girls via US military. The 'incurables' we were told were first taken back to a military hospital in the Philippines to quietly die. – 4um

NeoconsNailed  posted on  2020-07-14   7:16:25 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: NeoconsNailed, Bill D Berger (#1)

But where is "smacks of"? Has "painful reminder" completely supplanted "smacks of"?

StraitGate  posted on  2020-07-14   8:13:06 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#3. To: StraitGate (#2)

You're right -- 'smacks of' is king of the buzz drivel now.

_____________________________________________________________

USA! USA! USA! Bringing you democracy, or else! there were strains of VD that were incurable, and they were first found in the Philippines and then transmitted to the Korean working girls via US military. The 'incurables' we were told were first taken back to a military hospital in the Philippines to quietly die. – 4um

NeoconsNailed  posted on  2020-07-14   8:56:40 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#4. To: Bill D Berger (#0)

Washington Foreskins can't be considered because that would offend jews, especially the mohels.

How about The Washington Team?

In fact, all mascots should be discontinued in favor of the city name and Team unless the record falls under 50% wins when the moniker would immediately become Participants.

“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out... without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.” ~ H. L. Mencken

Lod  posted on  2020-07-14   9:49:08 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#5. To: Lod (#4)

Washington Foreskins can't be considered because that would offend jews, especially the mohels.

How about The Washington Team?

I read somewhere that many are pushing for the name Red Tails, after the black flyers in WWII.

Bill D Berger  posted on  2020-07-14   13:28:53 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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