If you’re like most people, you’re probably worried your cat is a spawn from hell. We consulted our Bibles and prayed really hard, and God revealed to us these hints that your cat is actually Satan himself. Here are the signs to look for:
1. Weird slit snake eyes -- Alone this isn't a huge deal, but coupled with the other signs, it could be bad. Keep reading.
2. Sharp hidden weapons in paws -- This is a telltale sign.
3. Always lands on feet as if by witchcraft -- You should be worried.
4. Vibrates with evil when touched -- Evil vibrations are a bad sign.
5. Has pointed ears like devil horns -- Should be obvious, but keep an eye out for this one.
6. Sudden outbursts of violence against small moving things -- Much as Satan seeks whom he may devour, cats pounce on laser dots and fingers.
7. Says “Mao” a lot in honor of murderous dictator Chairman Mao. -- Uh- oh...
8. Refuses to wear clothes -- Naked, just like all temptresses and Satan.
9. Brings you small dead creatures as a blood sacrifice -- Alright, now it's time to start freaking out.
If your cat shows these signs of being the devil himself, the CDC recommends you secure your cat in a burlap sack and throw it in the nearest bog.