First of all, Ms.Owens, I want to offer my congratulations on your nomination. Its about time we had another woman of color as Senator, I consider that an insult. Im not here because Im black. Im here because the president thinks Im qualified to serve. My skin is black. I was raised in what you could call black culture. But Im my own person, which is to say, Im an individual. My thoughts and actions arent black and they arent white. And frankly, I dont care what people think of that remark. Im not fronting for a particular culture. I happen to believe in the US Constitution. And if I may raise a few more hackles among those people waving their banners of political correctness, I am a sister to two brothers in my family, but Im a not a sister to anyone else.
Ms. Owens, I didnt mean to imply that as an African-American, you
Im not African American. My ancestors have lived in the United States for four generations. Are you British-American, Senator?
No. I was just
Ms. Owens, why dont you tell us what your background
how your background and education equip you for the position of Attorney General?
Im not sure they do. But I will say this. My first act upon gaining confirmation would be to pursue wide-ranging RICO cases against major gangs in the inner cities of America.
Excuse me, what?
Termination. Ending. Abolishment. Cancelation. Disbanding. Prosecution. Incarceration. Of gangs. As continuing criminal enterprises. Gangs continue to destroy the quality of life wherever they make their money.
What are the socio-economic causes that lead to the formation of gangs?
Im interested in what the gangs are causing, as they sell toxic drugs, shoot and kill people, recruit innocent children into their ranks, destroy families, and make streets lethally unsafe.
But
For decades, the Department of Justice has failed to mount RICO cases against gangs. Do you know why? Because the gangs sell drugs for cartels, and the cartels launder their money in banks. The cartels and the banks are protected, because IMPORTANT PEOPLE are making huge profits from the drug business. If you confirm me, all that will end like the snow ends when spring comes.
Are you accusing
Yes, Senator, I am. Whoever you were about to ask me about, I am accusing them.
I didnt even get a chance to
My second line of attack will be against the CEOs of major corporations that pollute the environmentnot with CO2which is not killing anyonebut with highly dangerous chemicals. Certain key pesticides, for example.
However, you surely understand that modern industrial-scale agriculture
And three, I will make sure pharmaceutical companies that sell highly toxic medicines are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, which means their CEOs will go to prison for very long terms.
Opioids, for example? Because were already
Senator, this goes far beyond opioids. Every year in the US, FDA- approved drugs kill at least 100,000 people. Thats a million deaths per decade. Since the year 2000, when those numbers were published, the federal government has done NOTHING to remedy what amounts to a continuing holocaust. Under my administration, the complacence and negligence will end. I assure you.
But highly reputable medical journals publish studies of those drugs and
The most prestigious journals are complicit in the continuing crime. They knowingly publish studies which are criminally deceptive. I will relentlessly prosecute their editors and reviewers.
Hold on. Are you talking about
Im talking about the New England Journal of Medicine, the Journal of the American Medical Association, and other publications. Im also talking about FDA executives, who will become prime targets for DOJ prosecutions.
Criminal charges against
Yes, Senator. Very serious criminal charges.
Ms. Owens, what about the guns? We have to take away the guns from people.
After every mass shooting, the usual politicians bray about taking guns away from the people who didnt commit the crime. Thats not going to happen under my watch. I look at a mapas any citizen canand I see where, in this country, people are shooting other people in large numbers. We will go into those areas and clean out the killers. The gangs.
That doesnt make any sense.
It makes perfect sense. If America were attacked by China, would you want us to respond by assaulting Greenland?
China? My God, what are you talking about?
As any person with a few brain cells would understand, I was making a comparison to illustrate a point. I dont envision an attack against the US from China.
The press and social media will be all over that China remark.
So what? The press and social media take perverse delight in twisting peoples statements. I dont run my life by fear of what others will say. Do you?
Of course not. But
Senator, Ive just sketched out the top issues on my agenda. If you confirm me as the next Attorney General of the United States, you can expect to see action against those crimes from day one. And any prosecutor in the Department of Justice who doesnt take my assignments seriously and honestly and with great zeal will be fired summarily. I want tigers, not house cats.
There are so many other crimes that need
Yes there are. And I will go after the perpetrators. I dont care what color their skin is. I dont care where they live. I dont care about their position in life or their reputation.
When it comes to protests in the streets of America
If crimes are committed during these protests and riots, such as looting, burning, and assault, the states should arrest and prosecute the criminals. If they dont, we will sue the states in court. If we find judges who refuse to hear our serious cases, we will do everything possible to bring those judges to justice.
Judges?? But there are many peaceful protests that
Peaceful protests are of no concern, except when local law-enforcement tries to squash them for obvious political reasons. Then we would become involved. And I mean INVOLVED.
Ms. Owens, I want to return to the subject of opioids
So do I, Senator. Because in 2016, both house of Congress passed a bill President Obama signedand I know, for a fact, that the unanimous vote on that bill in both the House and the Senate was a sham, and virtually no one read the bill
How can you say that?
Because its true. The bill, which became a law, has made it almost impossible for the DEA to enter the premises of pharmaceutical companies that are clearly TRAFFICKING opioids and put a stop to the crime of murder. Its a detestable law. Its called the Ensuring Patient Access and Effective Drug Enforcement Act of 2016, and it was signed by President Obama on 4/9/16. Perhaps you recall that the Washington Post ran an article on that opioid scandal.
I seem to remember
The article mentioned an attempt was made to reach President Obama for a comment. He declined.
Ms. Owens, I dont know about the other senators gathered here today, but I could never confirm you as the next Attorney General of the United States.
I assumed my confirmation would run into roadblocks. However, it occurs to me that the American peoplemany of themwould take a different view from yours. Who knows? If so, I suggest they contact your office.
Now wait a minute
As we speak, several colleagues of mine are publishing, at my personal site, a list of all the bills youve voted to approve during your long and distinguished career in the Senate; and who, specifically, those votes benefited, and how much money in campaign donations youve accepted from those whove benefited. I assure you, the chart makes interesting reading.
THERE WAS AN UPROAR IN THE CHAMBER.
The networks cut the live feed.
Later that day, a bevy of reporters hungry for more red meat caught up with Candace Owens at her office. Before live television cameras, she said:
Here it is, ladies and gentlemen. I dont live or work on a plantation. Not in the fields, not in the house. Im not black or white or red or yellow or purple or blue. Im a free American. My only standard is the Constitution. For decades, the Department of Justice has served special interests. Under my watch, all that would end. I dont fear the biggest corporate CEOs in the country, or the lowest gang killers in Chicago, or US Senators. If you want a racket and crime busting Attorney General, here I am. My bloodhound law partners are already preparing a case against Pfizer and Moderna for lying to the public about the safety and efficacy of their COVID vaccines
The television networks cut the live feed again.
But they had a bit of the problem, as they would discover in the next few days. Whenever the face of Candace Owens appeared on screens, ratings shot up to all-time levels
Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and other social media rabidly deleted posts that supported the AG nominee, but it didnt seem to matter.
As Chris Wallace of FOX commented, Something in the soul of American culture has been unleashed. We dont know what it is, but its moving up and out like a hurricane. Wed probably like to say its a rerun of the Trump effect, but its bigger than that
Two weeks later, with the Senate confirmation hearings still in mysterious adjournment, Candace Owens sat down for an interview with 60 Minutes Tom Dooley. She jumped in with both feet:
Censorship has overtaken America, Tommy. If I win appointment as the next Attorney Generaland opinion polls are showing the American people want me in that officeIm going to go after social media giants with a vengeance. Theyre the public square and the town hall, whether they like it or not, and they have no right to set off a bomb in the middle of the 1st Amendment. Frankly, these CEOs are some of the scummiest aristocrats Ive ever come across. Ill tell you a little secret. Ending censorship would eventually put social media operations in a hole. With an adequate spread of opinion across the whole cultural and political spectrum, tension and drama would deflate like an old bag. Finally, nobody would care. Its censorship that actually drives the popularity of these sleazy social media outfits
Mark Zuckerberg and his wife promptly left the country for a visit to China.
Poster Comment:
This is a satire. The AG is Jewish not Black.