Comedian and Right-Wing Pundit Steve Colbert Arrested by Dood Abides [Subscribe]
Mon May 01, 2006 at 05:10:57 AM PDT
Washington, DC (APE) - Comedian Steve Colbert was taken into custody early this morning by Department of Homeland security officials. Colbert will be charged with leaking sensitive government information according to a Homeland security spokesperson. Colbert was apparently at the annual White House correspondents dinner when he disclosed information sensitive to the security of the country according to officials. A quick search of the Internet revealed that references to Colbert's appearance this weekend appear to have been quickly and effectively expunged from all mainstream media outlets, perhaps a sign of the Bush administration's pledge to deal quickly and effectively with leaks.
White House spokesperson Tony Snow stated that the president became angered over Colbert's callous disrespect and displays of "truthiness" at the expense of state secrets. Colbert spoke to the assembled group of dignitaries and White House press correspondents as the "featured entertainment" at the annual dinner.
Colbert reportedly let loose with a barrage of thinly veiled satiric barbs towards both the president and the news journalists present. The audience apparently fell silent and stunned as state secret after state secret was lampooned by Colbert. An anonymous correspondent stated that he was surprised that Colbert was not dragged from the podium after the first five minutes for his exposure of topics that have been known to be taboo "by any White House correspondent worth his salt."
Veteran White House correspondent Helen Thomas has also reportedly been taken into custody for questioning for her reported role in aiding Colbert.
Colbert has been denied access to a lawyer at this point. A White House legal spokesperson stated that the White House was taking the unprecedented step of preemptively utilizing "state secrets" laws before any legal proceedings can even get underway. An investigation is reportedly ongoing into how Mr. Colbert was able to perpetrate his crime against the state despite the fact that he had been under surveillance by the NSA for quite some time.