WASHINGTON, D.C.—CNN has just released a bombshell interview with an anonymous White House whistleblower, who gave a harrowing account that could spell trouble for the Biden administration.
Speaking with Jake Tapper, the whistleblower—who identifies as a "White House aide who is young, with no hair plugs or dentures and definitely not Joe Biden"—gave an account of brutal working conditions in the White House.
"Listen, folks, here's the deal," said the unidentified whistleblower through a distortion filter to protect his identity. "It stinks here, Jack! Strangers drag me from place to place and make me sign papers and read words on monitors and I hardly get any ice cream!"
"With so much to lose, why are you coming forward now?" asked Jake Tapper solemnly.
"Because it's the right thing to do, you lying dog-faced pony soldier!" said the mystery man whose face was shrouded in darkness. "No ice cream? Are you kidding me? It's inhumane! And I haven't sniffed hair in a week!"
We reached out to President Biden for a response but were unsuccessful.