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Title: Southwest Airlines Offering Free Flights To All Passengers Who Are Vaccinated And Can Fly A Plane
Source: [None]
URL Source: ... vaccinated-and-can-fly-a-plane
Published: Oct 12, 2021
Author: satire
Post Date: 2021-10-12 08:58:59 by Ada
Keywords: None
Views: 368
Comments: 2

DALLAS, TX—A spokesperson for Southwest Airlines has announced delays in flights due to strange weather that seems to pass over competitors’ planes, only affecting their own signature blue and orange aircraft. The airline has stated these delays have no connection to their pilots protesting vaccine mandates.

The spokesperson then announced a new Southwest Airlines incentive program for potential passengers: All flights, domestic or international, are free to any passenger who is vaccinated and can also fly a plane.

“The requirements to take advantage of these incredible savings are simple,” said Southwest CEO Bob Southwest to a crowd of customers who have been stuck at the airport all weekend and were frothing at the mouth in anger. “Show us proof of vaccination against COVID-19 and promise us you know how fly commercial airliners, and your flight is on us.”

The CEO then mentioned other skills that were not required, but beneficial: Experience calming herds of rabid, sleepless passengers, expertise in flying through mysterious, invisible weather events, and the ability to land the plane.

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#1. To: Ada (#0)

Satire, or tomorrow's news?

“ On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron. ” ~ H. L. Mencken

Lod  posted on  2021-10-12   14:51:07 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#2. To: Lod (#1)

Southwest appears to have blinked, but I suppose they can always change their mind once the pilots come back.

Debra Heine reports at American Greatness:

During an interview with ABC News Tuesday, Gary Kelly, the CEO of Southwest Airlines, stated that no employees will be fired over the company's vaccine mandate. However, the airline announced on October 4 that all 56,000 U.S. Southwest employees needed to get vaccinated against COVID-19 by November 24, or face termination.

Ada  posted on  2021-10-13   11:34:58 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

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