SACRAMENTO, CA—California has come under a lot of criticism for dirty needles and piles of poo lying all over its major cities like Los Angeles and San Francisco. But Governor Gavin Newsom has a different take, saying the syringes lying all over the streets of metropolitan areas are due to the high vaccination rate of the state. Newsom made the claim during a press conference held in front of one of his homes today.
"This just shows that more people are getting the jab," Newsom said in the speech. The press conference kept moving, though, as cameramen informed him there were hobos pooping in the background and shooting up heroin. Finally, it was able to resume over a green screen of Hollywood in the 1950s. "See how beautiful and serene our cities are? Other backward places like Texas and those other Southern states don't have needles lying everywhere, because nobody is getting vaccinated. They have come out against SCIENCE."
Newsom praised the people of California for choosing SCIENCE. A hobo then passed by, somehow having gotten into the building. He was carrying a box of syringes and various bags of powdered substances. "See? Look at this man here. What a hero! Taking the initiative and vaccinating himself and distributing the vaccine to his friends. We need more of this in the world."
The press conference was cut short as the building ran out of electricity.