It's that time of year again—when the infallible prophets at The Babylon Bee tell you what will happen in the next year with 100% accuracy! Will 2022 be better than this year? You decide!
Here is a definitive list of things that will happen in 2022:
January 1 - USPS will deliver your Christmas package
January 6 - Second insurrection attempt canceled
January 20 - Pfizer unveils booster shots 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8
January 21 - Men break every record ever held by women
January 22 - Harvard gender studies professor discovers five new pronouns
January 23 - The Babylon Bee discovers a 3rd conservative joke
January 25 - Obama releases another memoir
January 27 - Mark Zuckerberg finally learns how to smile with his eyes
February 1 - WHO runs out of Greek letters for variants and starts naming them after the Muppets
February 2 - Jan 6th committee finally catches your Grandma
February 26 - China officially annexes United States
March 1 - Bill Clinton plants the flag on brand new Epstein Island
March 3 - Space Force training exercise accidentally blows up Mars
March 10 - Obama releases yet another new memoir
March 25 - Meat is outlawed, replaced with delicious bugs instead
April 1 - AOC red-pilled after reading an economics book
April 19 - Man dressed as woman hailed as first woman to not complain about being cold
May 5 - Hollywood studio announces all-female reboot of Ghostbusters: Afterlife
May 10 - Firefly renewed for 12 new seasons. Unfortunately, it's written by the writers of the 2nd season of Ted Lasso
June 6 - AOC tweets something dumb
August 15 - The only child to be named "Brandon" for the entire year is born
September 5 - Jen Psaki becomes Ben Psaki
October 8 - Obama releases new memoir
October 11 - Ted Cruz finally gets to spend a week in Cancun
November 17 - Republicans bravely squander control of Congress
December 10th - You still can't get your hands on a PS5
December 25 - Christmas will occur on this day
December 27 - Obama releases new memoir
December 30 - Ghislaine Maxwell's black book leaked, will be released in January
December 31 - Jesus returns