WASHINGTON, D.C.—Addressing the nation from his dark tower, Dr. Fauci revealed today that he has been forging in secret a master vaccine to rule all the others and cover all the lands in darkness. The "One Vaccine to Rule Them All" apparently gives Fauci the power to control anyone who has "so foolishly" taken his free gift of vaccines throughout the pandemic.
"One vaccine to rule them all, one vaccine to mind-control them -- one vaccine to boost them all and in their lack of natural immunity bind them," he chanted, reciting the inscription on the label of the master vaccine.
According to legend, three vaccines were given to the CDC, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven were given to the Democratic state governors, skilled at ruling through manipulation and fear. And nine were given to the nine Supreme Court justices, who above all else desire power. But in secret, Fauci forged a master vaccine, and into this ring he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his bizarre hatred for puppies.
Ron DeSantis is reportedly leading his personal state militia to fight for the freedom of the United States once and for all. He'll definitely throw away the master vaccine into the fires whence it came once he acquires it, according to sources.