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War, War, War
See other War, War, War Articles

Title: U.S. To Invade Canada To Establish A Democracy
Source: [None]
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/us-to-i ... anada-to-establish-a-democracy
Published: Feb 20, 2022
Author: BabylonBee
Post Date: 2022-02-20 10:02:49 by Ada
Keywords: None
Views: 210
Comments: 1

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Meeting in a top-secret, smoke-filled war room, U.S. generals agreed on a plan earlier this week to invade the foreign dictatorship known as "Canada" and establish a democracy there.

"Gentlemen, it's time," said General Butch "Meathead" Tanner of the U.S. Army as he munched a cigar. "We can't let this evil, religious zealot Trudeau oppress his people any longer. It's time to let freedom ring."

"And by 'let freedom ring', of course, I mean 'rain down an ungodly amount of explosives,'" he added. "I love democracy."

A few generals urged caution, pointing out that getting involved in a land war in Canada was "one of the classic blunders," though they were later shouted down as that's actually land wars in Asia. Eventually, the vote was unanimous, and troops were mobilized along the Canadian border. Tanks began churning through the snow, running over moose and beavers, and F-22 Raptors screamed into Ottawa blasting away tons of bogeys, which were later revealed to be geese. Horrified Royal Mounties ran away from the combined arms assault, apologizing profusely.

Commander-in-Chief Joe Biden will be notified of the invasion at a later date, or whenever his nap time is over, whichever comes first.

At publishing time, it had been revealed that the plan all along was just to get their strategic reserves of maple syrup.

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#1. To: Ada (#0)

You didn't fool me this time. Probably because I saw this last night before you posted. Totally believable.

The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. - Dr. Eldon Tyrell

Godfrey Smith: Mike, I wouldn't worry. Prosperity is just around the corner.
Mike Flaherty: Yeah, it's been there a long time. I wish I knew which corner.
My Man Godfrey (1936)

Esso  posted on  2022-02-20   11:09:30 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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