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Title: Andy Borowitz -- Bush Demands That Iran Halt Production of Long Letters
Source:
truthdigs.com
URL Source: http://www.truthdig.com/report/item ... 12_andy_borowitz_iran_letters/
Published: May 13, 2006
Author: Andy Borowitz
Post Date: 2006-05-13 23:24:08 by tom007
Keywords: None
Views: 75
Comments: 14
Andy Borowitz -- Bush Demands That Iran Halt Production of Long Letters Email this item Email Print this item Print Posted on May 12, 2006 By Andy Borowitz Days after receiving an 18-page letter from Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President George W. Bush called the lengthy missive “an act of war” and demanded that Iran halt its production of long letters at once. At the White House, aides said that writing a letter of such length to President Bush, who is known for his extreme distaste for reading, was the most provocative act Mr. Ahmadinejad could have possibly committed. “Everyone knows that the last book the president read was ‘My Pet Goat,’” one aide said. “Expecting him to read an 18-page letter is really asking for it, and that Iranian dude must have known that.” According to those close to Mr. Bush, the president was infuriated upon receipt of the 18-page letter and asked aides if it was some kind of joke. The president then demanded that the letter be boiled down to a one- or two-page format, or possibly adapted to a DVD version, just as he had ordered for news reports on Hurricane Katrina. In Tehran, President Ahmadinejad said he was “taken aback” by Mr. Bush’s refusal to read an 18-page letter, but said that all his future communications to the U.S. president would be in short, easy-to-read instant-messaging format. In his first IM to President Bush, released to the press today, President Ahmadinejad writes, “Am building nukes. R U angry? LOL.” Elsewhere, Air Force Gen. Michael V. Hayden vowed today that as director of the CIA he would push the agency to find new and better sources of false intelligence. Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the new book “The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers.” To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at http://www.creators.com.
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#1. To: All, zipporah, christine, diana, tommythemadartist, flintlock, red jones, arete, arator, indrid cold, sky drifter, lodwick, (#0)
ping
Why ?? Because he's unable to read more than a paragraph?
Comment #9247 by True Zionist on 5/13 at 9:40 am Dear Americans, Stop insulting your President. He is a good President. We must kill the Muslims and protect Israel. We are your brothers...remember 911. They have killed your love ones. Israel’s enemy is your enemy… remember that. We are the chosen people and God says so. So you Americans should be glad to die for Israel. That is the best sacrifice of a true American Christian be proud of your dead… Dying for Israel is not a death in vain. The above is a response to the article. Thought it was intrestng. Sounds like the mind set of the "dancing Israelies" on 9-11.
Jesus, Newswatcher's influence has reached the White House.
"That's libertarians for you - anarchists who want police protection from their slaves." Kim Stanley Robinson, "Green Mars" p318
Jesus Christ do you people know how long it took the President of Iran to draft that letter? It was 18 pages long. The first sentence, was "Dear George, I'm writing this really slow, because I know you can't read too fast..."
President Ahmadinejad writes, “Am building nukes. R U angry? LOL.”
#2. To: tom007 (#0)
Bush Demands That Iran Halt Production of Long Letters
#3. To: All, All, zipporah, christine, diana, tommythemadartist, flintlock, red jones, arete, arator, indrid cold, sky drifter, lodwick (#1)
#
#4. To: Zipporah (#2)
#5. To: tom007 (#0)
 | What's that Mr. Nipples? You want me to ask the nice lady about her rack?. |
#6. To: tom007, Zipporah (#3)
That should part of the mission statement of FReak Republic.
Stop insulting your President. He is a good President. We must kill the Muslims and protect Israel. We are your brothers...remember 911. They have killed your love ones. Israel’s enemy is your enemy… remember that. We are the chosen people and God says so. So you Americans should be glad to die for Israel. That is the best sacrifice of a true American Christian be proud of your dead… Dying for Israel is not a death in vain.
In 1947, the UN created a perpetual war and named it Israel.
#7. To: tom007 (#3)
THE BIBLE IS FALSE. Has been, always will be. The Jewish People are NOT God's favored, and here's why. The Hebrews back in the say were a put upon lot. They took a lot of shit, and were abused a bunch. They stopped being Hebrews a long time ago. The Jews are NOT God's favorite people because... Jew is a metaphor for the downtrodden. I can tell you folks definitivel after living 37 years that they are NOT and have not been a put upon people for a VERY fucking long time. The Bible is a book of propaganda and falsehoods driven forward by kings and rulers alike that forces people to be good, and loyal to the regimes that rule over them. Wherever these religions go, strife, corruption and evil follow. The bible is false, and will be FOREVER. I am so sick to death of people who espouse their christianity tout that book as the fucking truth. It's not a true testament to the word of God, because it was written well after the day Christ died, and I can tell you that God doesn't wait around for people to get bored and make shit up. If he can laser etch stone with the 10 commandments, then why the fuck did he waste 300 years and have a bunch of disgruntled jackasses put together a book that extolls the virtues of servitude to another man? Give me a fucking break. I do NOT and will NOT believe in something that has been used to fuck people over. It's because of that fucking book, that Israel has bled America white. It's because of that book that we've meddled in the affairs of the Middle East. It's because of that fucking book, that churches are now run like corporations because any and all meaning has been dissected by scholars who have usurped the authority of God and put into the hands of evil men and women. I am so tired of people calling themselves Christians because they are NOT. I'm tired of people calling themselves Jews, because they are not. I'm tired of Muslims calling themselves when they are not. WHY??? Because they read the books, and do exactly the fucking opposite in the name of their respective "Gods". It's all bullshit and bunk and the only day on this green earth that will come when I will change my mind is when my creator sees me, and rewards me for seeing through the lies of mankind. These talking monkeys who rule this planet use religion like a primate uses a rock to break open a coconut. Dying for the people who rule the world is a worthless and pointless endeavor, and NOBODY should give up their lives for someone else's profit. PROFIT, is why people go to war. PROFIT AND PROFIT ONLY. For anyone to tell me that there's altruism in a crusade, would be an outright fucking lie. Lie upon lie has been foisted on the American people, and for as many wars going back to the revolutionary war, Only PROFIT has been the goal. Every veteran who has died, died for someone else's profit. Maybe in their hearts they believed they gave up their life and blood for an ideal, but they died for profit, and that is why we fight. Israel is using America like an abusive boyfriend who's girlfriend works the streets. Nobody can tell me any different until we as a nation stop funding ALL other nations, and stop the gravy train at our expense.
| What's that Mr. Nipples? You want me to ask the nice lady about her rack?. |
#8. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#5)
LOL!
It was 18 pages long. The first sentence, was "Dear George, I'm writing this really slow, because I know you can't read too fast..."
#9. To: tom007 (#3)
that sounds contrived..even the name True Zionist..i think this poster was being facetious.
#10. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#7)
good question
If he can laser etch stone with the 10 commandments, then why the fuck did he waste 300 years and have a bunch of disgruntled jackasses put together a book that extolls the virtues of servitude to another man?
#11. To: christine (#9)
I'm not so sure, I've see comments on ynet that run close to that, and I'm sure they were serious.
i think this poster was being facetious.
#12. To: christine, tommythe mad artist (#9)
I hope you are right. However, when I catch the "religious" TV shows, some of their opionions vs. Israel and the US are not too different from this guy. I want MAdartist to have his Power Hour on Sunday morn. He would be even better to watch than that blonde lady with the three story hair-do.
that sounds contrived..even the name True Zionist..i think this poster was being facetious.
#13. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#7)
And that sums it up. Wars are nearly all fought on behalf of a few familie's interest on both sides. The ordinary citizens rarely benefit from the victories and always bear the cruel disaster of defeat.
Lie upon lie has been foisted on the American people, and for as many wars going back to the revolutionary war, Only PROFIT has been the goal. Every veteran who has died, died for someone else's profit. Maybe in their hearts they believed they gave up their life and blood for an ideal, but they died for profit, and that is why we fight.
#14. To: tom007 (#12)
I'm going to start podcasting on my blog. I am of the mind that Someone has to create some kind of public forum that puts the truth out there for all to see. Once humanity gets past this primitive nonsense and embraces the real truth that they're being duped by charlatans and fakirs, we might start living for the right reasons instead of the accumulation of wealth.
| What's that Mr. Nipples? You want me to ask the nice lady about her rack?. |
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