WASHINGTON, D.C.—The U.S. Senate has voted to confirm Ketanji Brown Jackson to the highest court in the land, making her the first Supreme Court Justice to be confirmed without a degree in biology.
"No, Ketanji Brown Jackson has no idea what a woman is, but that's understandable as she's not a biologist," said Romney. "I think she'll be fine, as the 8 biologists currently on the court will be able to get her up to speed. The important thing here is that she's black. And a woman."
In the minutes before the Senate vote, several certified biologists were brought in to verify Jackson's womanness as well as her blackness. Once they had confirmed she possessed the two most important attributes of a Supreme Court judge, the Senate voted to confirm.
Justice Jackson has dismissed the perceived value of a degree in biology from an accredited university, noting that Kamala Harris is Vice President even though she hasn't passed the Turing Test.
"Please show me to my 'making up laws' desk, please," said Jackson.