John Kerry chokes on an oyster cracker and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here" says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here for eternity, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
John Kerry thought that sounded good so he agrees.
The devil opened the first room: in it was Ted Kennedy in a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed, over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" John said. "I don't think so! I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long!"
The devil led John to the second room: in it was Jane Fonda with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All she did was swing that sledgehammer, time after time after time.
"No, I've got a problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented John.
The devil opened the third door. In it, John saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinski, doing what she does best.
John Kerry looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this!" The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"