WASHINGTON, D.C.—The deadly January 6th riots have claimed even more innocent victims, as everyone watching the hearings is dying of boredom.
"Once again we are seeing the tragic human cost of the evil MAGA insurrection on January 6th," said Adam Schiff as several attendees fell out of their chairs and passed away, unable to watch one more second of the tiresome hearings. "Trump must be held responsible for these untimely deaths."
"OH, THE HUMANITY!"
Reports indicate that while the death count skyrockets, the injuries associated with January 6th are also rising—with various attendees and viewers at home gouging out their eyes, jumping out of windows, and leaping in front of buses.
Authorities expect the death toll to rise even higher after the House committee members commit seppuku for failing to stop Trump from running in 2024.