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Title: White House Still Searching For A Biden They Can Send Out In Public
Source: [None]
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/white-h ... en-they-can-send-out-in-public
Published: Jul 13, 2022
Author: BabylonBee
Post Date: 2022-07-13 10:07:43 by Ada
Keywords: None
Views: 207
Comments: 1

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, senior White House aides are still searching for a Biden they can send out in public following recent gaffes and federal crimes committed by Joe, Jill, and Hunter Biden.

The pressure to find a member of the Biden family who will not do the administration harm has resulted in the resignation of numerous employees including former press secretary Jen Psaki. When asked to comment on the growing scandals within the White House, Psaki laughed wildly over the phone and hung up.

"I don't know if I can take it anymore," said one aide who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity. "When the first lady compared Mexicans to breakfast tacos I absolutely lost it. And don't get me started on the President. I have to wear a hair net to keep him from trying to sniff me. I look like I work at McDonald's!"

"At least Hunter doesn't live in the White House."

Some have put forward the president's daughter, Ashley, as a potential Biden to show off to the public. Her social activism and sense of fashion have tested well with focus groups. Unfortunately, her alleged diary which details sexual abuse within the Biden family has placed her squarely on the "no show" list.

At publishing time, it was reported that Joe Biden has submitted his DNA to Ancestry.com in hopes of finding a relative suitable to be shown in public.

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How Jill Biden Describes Each Ethnicity

Jill Biden recently referred to Latino people as "Breakfast Tacos," eschewing the more politically correct term, "Brxxkfst Txcxs." Despite her faux pas, this isn't the first time she's used colorful language to describe some ethnicities. Here are most of the other times:

"Italians are a basket of free breadsticks at Olive Garden."

"The Irish are a variety pack of 12 different beers."

"White people are a rainbow of different mayonnaises."

"The Chinese are like a delightful assortment of fortune cookies."

"Pakistanis are like a bountiful selection of different Slurpees at 7-Eleven."

"Black people are clean and articulate."

"Scottish people are a boiled sheep's stomach filled with heart, liver, and lungs. Yum!"

"The English are a cheeky bunch of fish heads sticking out of a diverse pie."

"The Greeks are beautiful, spinning cones of gyro meat, twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

"The French are a wonderfully woven tapestry of various baguettes."

"Canadians are a diverse group of very polite maple syrups."

"Indians are a large menu of different curry that smells weird but tastes really good and a little too spicy and then you regret eating the next day."

"Japanese people are like one big melting pot of fried rice. Or is that the Chinese? I get my yellows mixed up sometimes."

"Saudi Arabians are like one giant kabob with different diverse kinds of meat wedged on there."

Ada  posted on  2022-07-13   10:10:19 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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