The GDP (Gross Domestic Product) numbers were released today and it turns out we're in a recession.
EVERYBODY PANIC! We've got to fix this immediately! Fortunately, we've consulted with the highly educated economists that got us into this mess to see how we can get out of it.
Here are some great ways to reverse the recession immediately:
Turn the GDP chart upside down: Wow, that was easy!
Change what the word "recession" means: Why yes, the economy is experiencing good vibes. Thank you for asking, Mr. Doocy.
Play the reverse card from your UNO hand that you've been holding onto: Oh no! The economy played its own reverse card!
Think long and hard, 'What would AOC do?': Probably something really brilliant and progressive!
Form a Congressional committee to research how to get out of recessions so they can publish their findings in 3 years: The buck stops eventually!
Invade Canada and take all their GDP for ourselves: They don't have any guns to defend themselves.
Ask Ukraine for our $80 billion back: They probably haven't spent it yet.
Order a second season of Jan 6 hearings: That'll distract everyone from their financial pains.
Ask Joey, a fifth grader: He'll know what to do!
Replace the entire government with Ron Paul: We can only dream.
This should reverse the recession in a jiffy! But if that doesn't work we can always try redefining "reverse."