Pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has announced a new drug to fix the side effect from their last new drug, which was developed to fix the side effect from the one before that.
"Finally, relief for the massive hemorrhoids caused by our last medication is on the way," said Pfizer CEO Ronald Porter. "And with that last medication having basically solved the exploding spleen issue from the drug before that, we are really in business."
Pfizer had initially released the medication "Pytriq" to help treat mild cases of seasonal allergies. "Our studies showed excellent results, with less runny nose and cough. However, about half of the people on Pytriq experienced the sudden, violent explosion of their spleen," explained medical director Allan Watson. "Luckily, we developed a drug called 'Splenapril' which stopped the spleens from exploding. However, within days of starting Splenapril, people developed absolutely gargantuan hemorrhoids. Like, I could hang Christmas lights on these bad boys."