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Title: Scientists back caning
Source:
Ananova
URL Source: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1336379.html?menu=
Published: Mar 29, 2005
Author: N/A
Post Date: 2005-03-29 20:55:00 by crack monkey
Keywords: Scientists, caning, back
Views: 279
Comments: 9
Scientists back caning Russian scientists claim a beating on the naked buttocks with a cane is the perfect way to cure everything from depression to alcoholism. Researchers at Novosibirsk say caning releases endorphins, the body's natural 'happy chemicals', Izvestia reports. Endorphins lead to feelings of euphoria, a reduction of appetite, the release of sex hormones and an enhancement of the immune response. They also have a similar effect on pain to drugs such as morphine and codeine, but do not lead to addiction or dependence. The scientists, headed by Biologist Dr Sergei Speransky, claim corporal punishment similar to that doled out regularly in British schools in the last century helps people overcome addiction and depression. Dr Speransky, of the Novosibirsk Institute of Medicine, said: "The treatment works. I'm not sadistic, at least not in the classical sense, but I do advocate caning." The scientists recommend a standard treatment course of 30 sessions with 60 of the best, delivered on the buttocks by a person of average build. Dr Marina Chuhrova who also took part in preparing the report said she had 10 patients she caned regularly. She added: "At first they didn't like it, but when they started to feel the benefits they kept asking for more." The Russian team says they are now charging for the caning sessions getting £57 per patient for a standard treatment.
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#1. To: crack monkey (#0)
I will resist the temptation, and allow some other poster to make that obvious remark...
"May I have another, Sir?"
Okay.. So, is Floyd treating Tracie for Alcoholism or Depression?
Dr. Speransky's office isn't in a very nice neighborhood.
Shouldn't this be in the 4-play section?
Just more perversion, something the Abu Graib crowd and their handlers could really get into, disgusting.
yes, 4play. ;)
hey, diane. good to see you.
The Russian team says they are now charging for the caning sessions getting £57 per patient for a standard treatment.
#2. To: Continental Op (#1)
"At first they didn't like it, but when they started to feel the benefits they kept asking for more."
#3. To: crack monkey, Trace21230, Floyd (#0)
Russian scientists claim a beating on the naked buttocks with a cane is the perfect way to cure everything from depression to alcoholism.
#4. To: crack monkey (#0)
#5. To: tom007, dakmar, zipporah, christine (#2)
NARRATOR: The Tale of Sir Galahad
[boom crash]
[angels singing]
[pound pound pound]
GALAHAD: Open the door! Open the door!
[pound pound pound]
In the name of King Arthur, open the door!
[squeak thump]
[squeak boom]
ALL: Hello!
ZOOT: Welcome gentle Sir knight, welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
GALAHAD: The Castle Anthrax?
ZOOT: Yes... oh, it's not a very good name is it? Oh! but we are
nice and we shall attend to your every, every need!
GALAHAD: You are the keepers of the Holy Grail?
ZOOT: The what?
GALAHAD: The Grail -- it is here?
ZOOT: Oh, but you are tired, and you must rest awhile. Midget!
Crepper!
MIDGET and CRAPPER: Yes, oh Zoot!
ZOOT: Prepare a bed for our guest.
MIDGET and CRAPPER: Oh thank you thank you thank you--
ZOOT: Away away varlatesses! The beds here are warm and soft
- -- and very, very big.
GALAHAD: Well, look, I-I-uh--
ZOOT: What is your name, handsome knight?
GALAHAD: Sir Galahad... the Chaste.
ZOOT: Mine is Zoot... just Zoot. Oh, but come!
GALAHAD: Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail!
ZOOT: Oh, you have suffered much! You are delirious!
GALAHAD: L-look, I have seen it! It is here, in the--
ZOOT: Sir Galahad! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse
our hospitality.
GALAHAD: Well, I-I-uh--
ZOOT: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet
compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and
brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in
this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life --
bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear.... We
are just not used to handsome knights. Nay, nay, come, come, you
may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded!
GALAHAD: No, no -- i-it's nothing!
ZOOT: Oh, but you must see the doctors immediately! No, no,
please, lie down.
[clap clap]
PIGLET: Ah. What seems to be the trouble?
GALAHAD: They're doctors?!
ZOOT: Uh, they've had a basic medical training, yes.
GALAHAD: B-but--
ZOOT: Oh, come come, you must try to rest! Doctor Piglet,
Doctor Winston, practice your art.
PIGLET: Try to relax.
GALAHAD: Are you sure that's necessary?
PIGLET: We must examine you.
GALAHAD: There's nothing wrong with that!
PIGLET: Please -- we are doctors.
GALAHAD: Get off the bed! I am sworn to chastity!
PIGLET: Back to your bed!
GALAHAD: Torment me no longer! I have seen the Grail!
PIGLET: There's no grail here.
GALAHAD: I have seen it, I have seen it. I have seen--
GIRLS: Hello.
GALAHAD: Oh--
VARIOUS GIRLS: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.
Hello.
GALAHAD: Zoot!
DINGO: No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.
GALAHAD: Oh, well, excuse me, I--
DINGO: Where are you going?
GALAHAD: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!
DINGO: No! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!
GALAHAD: What is it?
DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting
alight to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is grail-shaped.
It's not the first time we've had this problem.
GALAHAD: It's not the real Grail?
DINGO: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty
person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle
Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the
grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
DINGO: You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her,
you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me.
VARIOUS GIRLS: And spank me. And me. And me.
DINGO: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!
GIRLS: A spanking! A spanking!
DINGO: And after the spanking, the oral sex.
GIRLS: Oral sex! Oral sex!
GALAHAD: Well, I could stay a BIT longer.
LAUNCELOT: Sir Galahad!
GALAHAD: Oh, hello.
LAUNCELOT: Quick!
GALAHAD: What?
LAUNCELOT: Quick!
GALAHAD: Why?
LAUNCELOT: You're in great peril!
GALAHAD:
ZOOT:
LAUNCELOT: Silence, foul temptress!
GALAHAD: Now look, it's not important.
LAUNCELOT: Quick! Come on and we'll cover your escape!
GALAHAD: Look, I'm fine!
LAUNCELOT: Come on!
GALAHAD: Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed!
DINGO: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handed!
GIRLS: Yes! Tackle us single-handed!
LAUNCELOT: No, Sir Galahad, come on!
GALAHAD: No, really, honestly, I can go back and handle this lot
easily!
DINGO: Oh, yes, let him handle us easily.
GIRLS: Yes, yes!
GALAHAD: Wait! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred and
fifty of them!
DINGO: Yes, yes, he'll beat us easily, we haven't a chance.
GIRLS: Yes, yes.
[boom]
DINGO: Oh, shit.
[outside]
LAUNCELOT: We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril.
GALAHAD: I don't think I was.
LAUNCELOT: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.
GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
LAUNCELOT: No, it's too perilous.
GALAHAD: Look, my duty as a knight is to stop as much peril as I can.
LAUNCELOT: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!
GALAHAD: Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?
LAUNCELOT: No, it's unhealthy.
GALAHAD: Bet you're gay!
LAUNCELOT: No, I'm not.
MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL
#6. To: crack monkey (#0)
#7. To: crack monkey (#0)
#8. To: 1776 (#5)
Endorphins lead to feelings of euphoria, a reduction of appetite, the release of sex hormones and an enhancement of the immune response.
#9. To: Diana (#7)
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