Investigators found classified documents in President Biden's garage. No one really knows why it was there, including Biden. But the real story is all the other stuff they found. His garage was a veritable treasure trove of scandal!
Here is the definitive list of items found in Biden's garage:
Obama's birth certificate
Private hair collection
180,000 Trump ballots
One of Hunter's hookers
Hunter
Friendship bracelet from President Xi
My Patriot Supply buckets (go to preparewithbee.com for an exclusive deal)
The real Joe Biden tied up and gagged shouting, "Help! that guy's an imposter!"
Unused StairMaster
All the CIA's JFK documents
Jimmy Hoffa
Treasure map leading to the lost city of Atlantis
A bunch of model train stuff
A pay stub from Burisma
The friendship bracelet he made for Obama but was too embarrassed to give him
Industrial-size pallet of Metamucil
A lock of Galadriel's hair
White hood
Cuties on Blu-Ray
A nuke - literally an entire nuke
Model of the Capitol building made of LEGO
Joe Biden's brain in a jar
Early classified copy of Hogwart's Legacy
A surprisingly solid collection of tabletop board games
Pontiac Aztek he's been restoring since 2014
All of the eggs
First 14 seasons of The Apprentice on DVD
12 vials of COVID-20 from Wuhan
500 boxes of Kellogg's Corn Pops
A pallet of 10% for the big guy
Wow! So exciting! Who knows what they'll find next?