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Title: Mario Arrested For Hate Crime After Leaving Skid Marks On Rainbow Road
Source:
Babylon Bee
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/mario-a ... ing-skid-marks-on-rainbow-road
Published: Mar 10, 2023
Author: Babylon Bee
Post Date: 2023-03-10 13:11:11 by Esso
Keywords: None
Views: 188
Comments: 2
MUSHROOM KINGDOM — Local Plumber Mario and his brother Luigi were arrested on hate crime charges during a Special Cup Tournament in which they left unsightly skid marks on Rainbow Road. "Rainbow Road has long been a proud symbol of our allyship with the LGBTQQIP2SAA+ community," said a Peach's Castle spokestoad to reporters. "When Mario screeched his tires, leaving skid marks on that beautiful rainbow-colored road, he left skid marks on the hearts of the entire queer community. No punishment is too great for hate like this." Sources say Bowser has offered the use of a dungeon in Castle Koopa where Mario will be held indefinitely and pelted with hammers and fireballs while awaiting trial. His brother Luigi has been released on bail. Mario's nemesis, Wario, has also weighed in. "I'm deeply disturbed and saddened by this display of hate by Mario and Luigi," he said in a written statement. "I stand proudly with the queer community as they deal with the devastating emotional damage wrought by this bigot. I'm-a-gonna-WIIIIIN!" At publishing time, Rainbow Road had been repaired again, only to be vandalized again by the notoriously transphobic Hammer Bros. 
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#1. To: Esso (#0)
Pennywise is on the job.
"“Believe nothing merely because you have been told it. Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. But whatsoever, after due examination and analysis, you find to be kind, conducive to the good, the benefit, the welfare of all beings - that doctrine believe and cling to, and take it as your guide.” ~ Gautama Siddhartha — The Buddha Welcome to the Gayest City in America (Literally)
Any sufficiently advanced evil is indistinguishable from stupidity. ~ Unk (Paraphrase of Clarke's 3rd Law: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.")
#2. To: All (#0)
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”
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