LOS ANGELES, CA — As the legal drama surrounding former President Donald Trump's alleged inappropriate payments of "hush money" to adult film star Stormy Daniels years ago continues, the son of current President Joe Biden has been left frustrated after hearing about the concept of "hush money" long after it would have been useful to him.
"Why didn't someone tell me about this years ago?!" Hunter Biden was heard shouting into his cell phone. "You mean to tell me you can pay people to keep quiet about all the horrible things you do?! Do you know how much hassle I could have saved myself if I knew about this?! Good grief, dad!"
Biden has been at the center of a number of unsavory scandals in recent years, from his involvement in Ukrainian business deals to his much- publicized use of illegal drugs and high-priced underage female escorts to his infamous laptop. With so much talk about "hush money" payments, he is now left to think about how differently things could have been handled. "It could have been so much easier!" he said. "Not only is my family rich, but I have access to billions and billions of taxpayer dollars and under-the-table corporate money! Come on!"
Hunter's frustration was only compounded later in the day after he learned that his status as the son of a Democrat politician would also grant him total immunity from any legal repercussions resulting from "hush money" payments.
At publishing time, Hunter was busy placing calls to his father's staff in Washington to ask if it's possible to make multiple high-dollar domestic and international "hush money" payments retroactively.