[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Sign-in]  [Mail]  [Setup]  [Help] 

Status: Not Logged In; Sign In

Tulsi Gabbard Warns of “Nuclear Holocaust” in Chilling 3-Minute Plea

LBMA Silver Short Position Now 2nd Largest In History

Chumbawamba - Tubthumping

Something BIG is happening right now in the Middle East, Israel ready to attack Iran

AMERICA ON FIRE: Riots & Chaos as Trump Quadruples ICE Raids!

THE BANKRUPTCY OF THE UNITED STATES (Emergency Banking Act)

In France, young women are starting to buy pet pigs to avoid being harassed by Muslim men

Elderly Veteran kills 3 Home Invaders

Number One Longevity Food

Inflation Highest In Democrat States, Lowest In Republican Deep South

TikToker admits to being paid $150 a day to protest Trump’s deportation policies in LA

A GREAT update on the Trump fraud case ($454.2 million judgment) at the appellate court.

Mexican Senate President Revives Territorial Claims Amid Los Angeles Civil Unrest

Rooftop Korean' issues chilling threat about LA's future 30 years after Rodney King riots

Bystanders jump in front of ICE vehicles with arrested migrants inside

Israeli companies struggling to find customers amid Gaza genocide:

Farmers are being pressured to sell their land to this. Not good!

Palantir EXPOSED: The New Deep State

Military Overview: Ukrainian Fronts Crumble Under Multi-Axis Assault

ICE prepares full assault on five Democrat cities as LA goes into lockdown amid immigration riots

Invisible Missile Triggers MILITARY PANIC! (This is the Russian Zircon)

Mass arrests as defiant immigration protesters ignore lockdown orders in LA

Visit California: It's America's Future

FBI Director Kash Patel sues MSNBC columnist Frank Figliuzzi

The Ukraine war did not "bleed out" Russia. It bled US taxpayers

America Is Full. Time To Close The Door.

Golden Dome Idiocy

Israeli Media: Trump Told Netanyahu To Permanently End War in Gaza

21 days left till BASEL III is implemented. VIDEO EXPLANATION

China’s bottom half holds twice the wealth of America’s.


Religion
See other Religion Articles

Title: FBI Vows To Get To The Bottom Of What Christians Did To Provoke Attack U.S.
Source: [None]
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-vow ... ristians-did-to-provoke-attack
Published: Mar 30, 2023
Author: BabylonBee.com
Post Date: 2023-03-30 09:46:01 by Ada
Keywords: None
Views: 354
Comments: 1

QUANTICO, VA — The nation's top investigative force has pledged a full commitment of its resources to identify, isolate, and destroy whichever Christian beliefs were responsible for the brutal attack at a private Christian school this week.

"Our stated goal is to protect U.S. citizens from foreign and domestic terror threats, such as parents at school board meetings, pro-life demonstrators, and Christians who push innocent trans people toward violence by being mean-heads," said FBI Director Christopher Wray at a mandatory meeting of the full staff of all branches. "I want a halt on all investigations until we figure out what Christians did to deserve being attacked!"

"The evil that sparked this event has yet to be eradicated, but we will hunt it down and end it."

The shooter's manifesto has yet to be released, but prominent media attention has focused on the shooter's victims' sinister Christian faith. FBI personnel are expected to spend the next several months reviewing the historic Christian doctrines that caused the tragic shooting, with plans to roll out more comprehensive tracking of Christians whose improper beliefs trigger attacks on themselves.

At publishing time, the Biden administration announced their plan to prevent further Christian school shootings by banning Christianity altogether.

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  


TopPage UpFull ThreadPage DownBottom/Latest

#1. To: Ada, 4um (#0)

The Bee has been dabbling in straight news for a while now. I read they have over a hundred parodies that have come to be true.

This will be one of them.

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2023-03-30   9:53:42 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


TopPage UpFull ThreadPage DownBottom/Latest


[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Sign-in]  [Mail]  [Setup]  [Help]