ST. LOUIS, MO — Beer scientists at Budweiser headquarters are reportedly hard at work researching how many cans of Bud Light it would take for Dylan Mulvaney to pass as a woman. According to sources, Mulvaney, who recently became a spokesman for the alcoholic beverage, was personally recruited by CEO Phillip Bud while he was inebriated — now human resources need to know how this could have happened.
One. No. Two. No, Dr. Pedro Morganstein noted in the test log. Three? Ugh, no.
Dr. Morganstein reportedly passed out twenty beers later, still believing Dylan Mulvaney was a man. However, he did note that his female colleagues were at least three points more attractive.
Alcoholic intake studies are nothing new for the Budweiser corporation, but experiments typically measure the rate of cognitive decline. Determining how many drinks it takes for a man to look like a woman is new territory for the team.
At publishing time, scientists had determined it takes the equivalent of 37 Bud Lights to make Dylan Mulvaney passable as a woman, or just 3 Ballast Point Sculpins.