[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Sign-in]  [Mail]  [Setup]  [Help] 

Status: Not Logged In; Sign In

Watch: Mexico City Protest Against American Ex-Pat 'Invasion' Turns Viole

Kazakhstan Just BETRAYED Russia - Takes gunpowder out of Putin’s Hands

Why CNN & Fareed Zakaria are Wrong About Iran and Trump

Something Is Going Deeply WRONG In Russia

329 Rivers in China Exceed Flood Warnings, With 75,000 Dams in Critical Condition

Command Of Russian Army 'Undermined' After 16 Of Putin's Generals Killed At War, UK Says

Rickards: Superintelligence Will Never Arrive

Which Countries Invest In The US The Most?

The History of Barbecue

‘Pathetic’: Joe Biden tells another ‘tall tale’ during rare public appearance

Lawsuit Reveals CDC Has ZERO Evidence Proving Vaccines Don't Cause Autism

Trumps DOJ Reportedly Quietly Looking Into Criminal Charges Against Election Officials

Volcanic Risk and Phreatic (Groundwater) eruptions at Campi Flegrei in Italy

Russia Upgrades AGS-17 Automatic Grenade Launcher!

They told us the chickenpox vaccine was no big deal—just a routine jab to “protect” kids from a mild childhood illness

Pentagon creates new military border zone in Arizona

For over 200 years neurological damage from vaccines has been noted and documented

The killing of cardiologist in Gaza must be Indonesia's wake-up call

Marandi: Israel Prepares Proxies for Next War with Iran?

"Hitler Survived WW2 And I Brought Proof" Norman Ohler STUNS Joe Rogan

CIA Finally Admits a Pyschological Warfare Agent from the Agency “Came into Contact” with Lee Harvey Oswald before JFK’s Assassination

CNN Stunned As Majority Of Americans Back Trump's Mass Deportation Plan

Israeli VS Palestinian Connections to the Land of Israel-Palestine

Israel Just Lost Billions - Haifa and IMEC

This Is The Income A Family Needs To Be Middle Class, By State

One Big Beautiful Bubble": Hartnett Warns US Debt Will Exceed $50 Trillion By 2032

These Are The Most Stolen Cars In Every US State

Earth Changes Summary - June 2025: Extreme Weather, Planetary Upheaval,

China’s Tofu-Dreg High-Speed Rail Station Ceiling Suddenly Floods, Steel Bars Snap

Russia Moves to Nationalize Country's Third Largest Gold Mining Firm


Business/Finance
See other Business/Finance Articles

Title: Innocent Multi-Billion Dollar Corporation Ruthlessly Attacked By People Not Giving Them Money
Source: [None]
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/innocen ... y-people-not-giving-them-money
Published: May 26, 2023
Author: BabylonBee.com
Post Date: 2023-05-26 08:21:19 by Ada
Keywords: None
Views: 88

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to sources, an innocent multi-billion dollar megacorporation has come under ruthless attack from a terrifying group of domestic extremists who refuse to give the corporation any money.

"Over the last several days, we have been violently terrorized by several shoppers who assaulted us by threatening to take their business elsewhere," said Target CEO Brian Cornell, sobbing. "We have a God-given right to your hard-earned dollars, and when you don't give them to us it makes us sad. This is literal violence."

"Won't someone think of our stock prices?"

Authorities traced the terrorist attack to a 27-year-old mom of 4 from Evansville, Indiana who objected to some of the merchandise in the store and said, "Ew, I don't want my kids seeing this. I guess I'll go to HomeGoods instead." Law enforcement later confirmed that several other young mothers joined in assaulting the harmless corporation and are still at large.

"These young moms are the gravest threat to national security and Target share value the world has ever seen. They must be stopped," said Cornell.

At publishing time, FBI sources had confirmed credible threats from the terrorists that they may attack North Face next.

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  



[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Sign-in]  [Mail]  [Setup]  [Help]