U.S. — Former President Trump is facing yet another indictment, this time for mocking U.S. Women's soccer after their embarrassing loss to Sweden over the weekend.
"The sanctity of U.S. Women's soccer is never to be made fun of," said Special Council Jack Smith after reading the charges. "Every one of those highly attractive and beautiful women is both stunning and brave. We believe Trump violated the constitution somehow by making fun of them on Truth Social, and we will prove it as soon as we can figure out which law he broke."
According to sources, Trump posted the words "Nice shot Megan" shortly after Megan Rapinoe's terrible shot in which she kicked the ball like a girl and missed a penalty kick by a mile. "Such cruel, calloused, sexist behavior from Trump must be an obstruction of justice somehow. Or maybe a violation of some obscure 18th-century federal law governing sporting events. We'll get back to you," said Smith to reporters.
Sources within the U.S. Women's team confirmed all the players were distraught by Trump's mockery and are begging authorities to arrest him before it can happen again. "Please," said one anonymous source. "Our democracy depends on it."
At publishing time, the U.S. Women's Team had demanded higher pay to compensate for their emotional suffering following Trump's social media post.