U.S. — The man overseeing the invasion and accelerating destruction of America announced today that the biggest threat facing America is, in fact, Donald Trump.
"As war erupts across the globe and 7.2 million illegal immigrants stream into this country, mark my words - the biggest threat we face is Donald Trump," said Biden. "No amount of terrorists crossing the border can compare to the imminent danger posed by this man selling golden sneakers to pay his legal fees."
According to sources in the White House, the speech came after an extensive threat assessment conducted by the FBI and the DOJ. "We reviewed every threat posed to America, from millions of military-age males coming across our border, to the human trafficking performed by South American crime networks," explained FBI Director Christopher Wray. "After exhaustive research, we have determined that the greatest threat to our nation's well-being is Donald Trump. Trump is like democracy's kryptonite, which, if you know comics, is even more dangerous than a Russian nuclear bomb launched from outer space. It's not even close."
As Biden continued to oversee the dismantling of defense systems to protect America's sovereign borders, he assured the nation that he would do everything in his power to stop Trump. "Even if I have to give millions of these illegal immigrants the right to vote, I'll jump on that grenade to save our country," said Biden. "There is simply nothing I won't do."
At publishing time, another 48,000 illegal immigrants had crossed into the country during Biden's speech.