NEW YORK — Local couple Marty and Shelly Cross have been officially charged with fraud after listing their home for $499,000 when it ultimately sold for slightly less.
"The Cross family knowingly and willfully tried to get a good deal when they sold their home," explained Attorney General Letitia James. "The State of New York hereby assesses the Cross family a fine of $50 million for their egregious actions. If they cannot pay by tomorrow, we will begin kidnapping their children to hold as ransom."
According to sources, the bank had performed an appraisal and actually approved a loan for the buyer at $499,000, though ultimately after negotiations the selling price was slightly less. "Yes, the bank agreed to the price set by the Cross family," admitted James. "That doesn't mean Mr. and Mrs. Cross did not commit fraud! Banks, as we all know, are poor and helpless and at the mercy of whatever amount of money people ask for. The feeble, powerless bank is the victim here, having been duped by the Cross family - and they will pay!"
The Cross family were reportedly caught completely off guard by the charges, believing they had submitted a reasonable asking price. "All we did was ask for what we wanted! No one had to agree to it. I had no idea asking for the price you wanted for your home was illegal," said Shelly. "I have to be frank, I just don't quite see how our negotiating the price with the seller and the bank did fifty million dollars of damage to the State of New York. I'm really struggling to make the connection."
At publishing time, Letitia James had put up billboards across New York with the faces of the Cross family and how much they owed in fines.