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Title: Drunk Driving
Source: Zerohedge
URL Source: https://www.zerohedge.com/markets/t ... cohol-related-arrest-two-years
Published: Jun 13, 2024
Author: JUST THE FACTS [ZH poster]
Post Date: 2024-06-13 16:22:39 by Esso
Keywords: None
Views: 8299
Comments: 27

A police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible drunk drivers. [Sounds like Spudz]

At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered a Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

"Son-of-a-bitch!!!" Said the police officer

Poster Comment:

That was the funniest thing I've seen all day.

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  

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#1. To: Esso (#0)

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   17:58:01 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#2. To: Esso (#0)

See, we just need slick white suites!

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   18:13:54 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#3. To: Dakmar (#2)

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   19:21:21 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#4. To: Esso (#3)

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   20:03:39 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#5. To: Dakmar (#4) (Edited)

(Edit) A lot of that was CGI/AI, but accurate, nonetheless.

I remember putting a guy's hand on his guts and screaming for a medic that wasn't there like the video CGI. The Doggie saying goodbye on the casket about kills me.

Ronald Reagan never looked at his watch during the Dignified Transfer.

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   20:08:45 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#6. To: Esso (#0)

Ive been 82 days sober today.

______________________________________

Suspect all media / resist bad propaganda/Learn NLP everyday everyway ;) If you don't control your mind someone else will.

titorite  posted on  2024-06-13   20:15:07 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#7. To: titorite, 4um (#6)

Ive been 82 days sober today.

I'm proud of you. That's where our paths diverge. I've lost almost all of my friends over the clot-shots. The only trusted folks I have are my Godson, Sling Blade and his daughter and my neighbors across the street.

I've got nothing left to live for except Dr. Kimmy who will soon be dead thanks to Prez Pedo's shot mandates. I hope she doesn't die here.

Stay strong, brutha.

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   20:34:47 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#8. To: titorite (#6)

Ive been 82 days sober today.

10 minutes for me! Want to rape Hillary?

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   20:44:59 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#9. To: Dakmar (#8) (Edited)

10 minutes for me!

Zero minutes for me. I racked up a bunch of points on ZH today.

Want to rape Hillary?

Negative, Juliet Bravo, NEGATIVE! PULL OUT! EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   20:50:17 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#10. To: Esso (#5)

I remember putting a guy's hand on his guts and screaming for a medic that wasn't there like the video CGI. The Doggie saying goodbye on the casket about kills me.

Ronald Reagan never looked at his watch during the Dignified Transfer.

>Patton’s “Blood and Guts” Speech">

But Patton was never a fucking sunbeam like me, right?

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   20:51:38 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#11. To: Dakmar (#10)

Patton was a little before my time, but you'll always be my little fucking sunbeam, Dak.

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   20:56:00 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#12. To: Esso (#9)

Negative, Juliet Bravo

Fuck You! I'm sure Jesus is screeching at me through finger painting on Graham Crackers! I think Wendy's has the correct game pieces. Wendy doesn't want me for a sunbeam....

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   20:56:35 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#13. To: Esso (#11)

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   21:00:42 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#14. To: Dakmar (#13)

Next time I send you a package, I promise it won't be CIA "Deer Guns", I promise.

How much crack can you march out? The Covi shots have really fucked up my dealer network.

Can semis navigate in your hood?

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   21:16:05 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#15. To: Esso (#14)

Next time I send you a package, I promise it won't be CIA "Deer Guns", I promise.

How much crack can you march out? The Covi shots have really fucked up my dealer network.

Can semis navigate in your hood?

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   21:21:34 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#16. To: Esso (#14)

Grateful Dead - Monkey And The Engineer - 10/31/1980 - Radio City Music Hall

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   21:25:16 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#17. To: Esso (#14)

I don't give a shit how precise music sounds, I have to do the math myself.

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   21:31:17 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#18. To: Esso (#16)

A song about tragedy narrowly averted, lol

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   22:08:24 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#19. To: Dakmar (#18)

I had a dream about a gal the other night. She was an old gal, I haven't seen Jan H****** from 20 or 30 years ago.

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   22:13:00 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#20. To: Esso (#19)

Most of the dreams I remember involve either family or former co-workers being mean to to me for no reason, until I just go mean right back. Shit, most of these tormentors are fucking dead, I have no idea why they worry me.

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   22:21:28 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#21. To: Esso (#19)

I had a dream about a gal the other night. She was an old gal, I haven't seen Jan H****** from 20 or 30 years ago.

Sort of same deal, I had dream about girl that delivered newspapers, she was so adorable but obviously thought I was psychotic, lol.

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-13   22:24:30 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#22. To: Dakmar (#21) (Edited)

I kinda made out with Jan, If Pam would've known about that, I'd be dead.

Jan was a gal on one of our assignments. I was doing some freelance work.

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   22:29:03 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#23. To: Dakmar (#21)

I wish Doc was old enough to retire, but she probably never will, like Fauxi.

She probably won't live long enough to make 63 which will be 70 by then.

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-13   22:35:09 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#24. To: Dakmar (#8)

Ive been 82 days sober today.

10 minutes for me! Want to rape Hillary?

90 days now, and no, dear god no. Esso wait for me, im bailing too.

______________________________________

Suspect all media / resist bad propaganda/Learn NLP everyday everyway ;) If you don't control your mind someone else will.

titorite  posted on  2024-06-21   17:17:21 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#25. To: titorite, Esso (#24)

you can leave me out :)

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-21   19:38:09 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#26. To: Dakmar (#25)

you can leave me out

Are you locked in your bathroom again?

“The most terrifying force of death comes from the hands of Men who wanted to be left Alone.
TRUE TERROR will arrive at these people’s door, and they will cry, scream, and beg for mercy…
but it will fall upon the deaf ears of the Men who just wanted to be left alone.”

Esso  posted on  2024-06-21   20:31:26 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#27. To: Esso (#26)

Are you locked in your bathroom again?

Not since 2019! I tied the keys to my cat!

“I am not one of those weak-spirited, sappy Americans who want to be liked by all the people around them. I don’t care if people hate my guts; I assume most of them do. The important question is whether they are in a position to do anything about it. My affections, being concentrated over a few people, are not spread all over Hell in a vile attempt to placate sulky, worthless shits.” - William S Burroughs

Dakmar  posted on  2024-06-21   20:48:32 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

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