For good or evil, The Inquirer's "Carnal Knowledge" column has survived its first year. To commemorate, we're offering a 13-item multiple-choice quiz so you can test your own Carnal Knowledge.
To read the columns this quiz is based on, see the links of links at the right, and another set at the bottom of this page.
1. What does a male honeybee do after he finishes having sex with the queen?
A. He executes a special postcoital "dance."
B. He flies away as quickly as possible so that she won't eat his head.
C. He brags to all his friends.
D. He leaves his penis lodged inside the queen while the rest of his body explodes.
2. Which of the following animals can change sex?
A. French poodles.
B. Transylvanian vampire bats.
C. Clownfish.
D. No animal can change sex without artificial help. Transsexualism is unnatural.
3. Who developed the theory of sexual selection?
A. Charles Darwin.
B. Wilhelm Reich.
C. Dr. Ruth Westheimer.
D. Sigmund Freud.
4. Nobel laureate Hermann Muller proposed which of these as a possible reason sex first evolved in early life forms?
A. Because sex allows you to to avoid sticking your progeny with all your harmful mutations.
B. Because offspring raised by two parents have a better chance of survival.
C. Because it's fun - duh.
5. What do epidemiological studies say about the odds of contracting HIV from oral sex compared with the odds from unprotected penile-vaginal intercourse?
A. The odds are the same. Oral sex is sex and therefore carries the same risks.
B. Oral sex is 10 times riskier.
C. Intercourse is about 10 times riskier.
D. There's no risk associated with oral sex.
6. Why do male chimpanzees have testicles twice the size of human ones?
A. Chimp females mate with multiple males, so only a male who can make lots of sperm stands a decent chance of procreating.
B. The chimp females choose males with larger testicles.
C. Shrinkage.
D. From the Pleistocene onward, human females shunned males with massive, pendulous testicles.
7. The G-spot in women is associated with the female analog of which male part?
A. The penis.
B. The epididymis.
C. The prostate gland.
D. The endoplasmic reticulum.
8. When scientists allow embryos created by white parent mice to intermingle with embryos created by black ones, what results?
A. Black mice, since genes for black fur are dominant.
B. White mice.
C. Black and white striped mice.
D. A bunch of dead cells. Scientists now know that the genetic code sets the identity of an individual at conception. Nothing can survive with two genetic codes.
9. How does the giant squid get his sperm into the female?
A. He sings a "courtship song" to her, then they have intercourse for several hours.
B. He stabs her with his penis and injects sperm under her skin.
C. The much-larger female sneaks up on the male and clasps him with her tentacles until he finishes the job.
D. There's no such thing as a giant squid - they're just an old sailor's myth.
10. If one member of a pair of identical male twins is gay, what are the odds the other is gay too?
A. 100 percent; because they share the same DNA they will also share the "gay gene."
B. The same as the odds in the general population - 2 percent to 5 percent. Scientists disproved the "gay gene" idea a few years ago.
C. 50 percent. This suggests homosexuality has a genetic component, but other factors play into it, too.
11. How do zookeepers and naturalists tell male from female emperor penguins?
A. The males have penis bone.
B. The females are smaller and lack white patches behind their wings.
C. DNA testing, since the sexes look identical, even down there.
D. Males will watch The Three Stooges.
12. Of the thousands of sheep featured in the film "Brokeback Mountain," what percentage of the males were likely to have been exclusively gay?
A. None. Human beings are the only creatures known to perform homosexual acts.
B. 8 percent - enough to cause economic loss for sheep breeders.
C. 100 percent - they're sheep, and will therefore copy whatever the sheep herders are doing. That's why the boss in the movie got so mad at Jack and Enis.
13. (Bonus question) What characteristic distinguishes male from female across all life forms with two sexes?
A. Males are always larger than females.
B. Females are always smarter than males.
C. Females always have bigger gametes (reproductive cells).
D. Males but not females enjoy The Three Stooges.
E. Males always have a Y chromosome.
See the correct answers.