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Title: Ted Nugent Leads Minuteman Border Patrol
Source:
Pugbus
URL Source: http://www.pugbus.net/News/04042005_nugent.htm
Published: Apr 5, 2005
Author: Phil Maggitti
Post Date: 2005-04-05 20:30:39 by Zipporah
Keywords: Minuteman, Nugent, Border
Views: 51
Comments: 2
NACO, Ariz. – Gonzo rocker Ted Nugent rolled into this border town in Cochise County Saturday night to assume command of the Minuteman Project, a citizen’s army dedicated to “taking back” the 370-mile border that separates Arizona and Mexico. Sporting a wide band of black Kiwi shoe polish under each eye and a “Greasers Go Home” T-shirt, Field Commander Nugent delivered an impassioned address to the assembled troops. “If those dirt bags in Washington don’t have the guts to keep America safe for Americans, we do,” he screamed. “We’re not going to let a swarm of illiterate beaners invade this country and take food out of our children’s mouths just so Taco Bell can find cheap labor.” Quentin McCallister, 62, recording secretary of the Minuteman Project, told the current affairs desk of the Cochise County Shopper that Nugent was the unanimous choice for the field commander post. According to McCallister, members of the all-volunteer Minuteman Project are sensitive to the perception that groups such as theirs are havens for crackpots, bigots, and xenophobes. “We needed somebody with name recognition who could give us an air of legitimacy,” said McCallister. “Besides, Ted owns damn near enough guns to outfit our entire force.” McCallister further explained that the guns worn by members of the Minuteman Project are “mainly for show. Most of our people aren’t allowed to wear guns in their hometowns. Hell, some of them aren’t even allowed to own guns.” Nugent’s large collection of weapons is not his only qualification for the post of field commander. He also flaunts a keen grasp of immigration policy, which he summed up best in a brief speech to a Texas audience at one of his shows two years ago: “Latino immigrants who don't speak English should swim back where they came from—at the point of a gun if necessary." The Whackmaster, as Nugent prefers to be called, had been gutting deer on his Texas game preserve, the Bambi House, when he got the call from McCallister. "I was ready to lock and load," yelled Nugent, 55. "The Whackmaster is the man for the job when it comes to harvesting illegal aliens.” Field Commander Nugent spent yesterday getting to know many of the fifteen hundred soldiers under his command. He came away impressed by their dedication and by the number of women, retirees, and other veterans of the swap meet circuit who had reported for duty. “I told them this wasn’t going to be any walk in the park,” shouted Nugent. Joel Schumacher, 45, an unemployed fry cook from the Bronx, is typical of the spirit that informs the Minuteman Project. Sitting on a rickety lawn chair a hundred feet from the border, Schumacher trained a pair of Kmart binoculars on a group of ACLU volunteers just across the border who had their binoculars trained on him. “I’ve lost more than one job to a wetback who didn’t have a green card,” said Schumacher. “I’m here to see it doesn’t happen again.” In related news, the Minuteman Project bagged its first border violator early this morning. “We’ve got one of the bastards,” bellowed Nugent, waving his carbine in the air. Upon closer interrogation, however, the violator turned out to be a Boy Scout executive trying to smuggle child pornography into the United States.
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#1. To: Zipporah (#0)
Good early evening laugh.....for a Tuesday. :)
Hm this is weird.. I deleted this article after I saw it was already posted! Oh well.. agreed it IS hilarious.. we could only hope!
#2. To: rowdee (#1)
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