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Title: August 22. Today is the End of the World. So whatcha doing?
Source:
Mehitable
URL Source: [None]
Published: Aug 22, 2006
Author: Mehitable Storm
Post Date: 2006-08-22 12:09:06 by mehitable
Keywords: None
Views: 2247
Comments: 62
So, as we've been told by repeated articles and blathering over the past few weeks, apparently today could well be....The End of the World. I'm wondering how ya'll are gonna spend this Last Day? Planning anything special? Any going away parties? Barbecues? I'm just sitting here working as usual - well...somewhat...and wondering if I'll have to pay rent next week, or if I really should get that hotel room for the Memorial Day weekend.
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#22. To: mehitable (#0)
Buying an extended warranty for the van.
I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST FUCKING POST THAT!!!! OMG!!! Tippy Turtle. Oh my freakin gawd! I thought I was the only guy who remembered that.
Welp, That's it. I'm done with predicting the future. Not that I was any good at it. I think I've finally reached my threshold for fearmongering by the government, and the media. If the end of the world comes, I really don't want to be prepared for it. I'll just react to it in the best way I know how, and not live my life in fear of a bunch of fags dressed in robes plotting the end of the world.
#23. To: orangedog (#20)
First I'm gonna bother everybody I meet....and then I'll probably go home and get drunk.
#24. To: Enderby (#8)
#25. To: mehitable (#0)
 | What's that Mr. Nipples? You want me to ask the nice lady about her rack?. |
#26. To: Rabble Rouser (#23)
i didn't get it til you posted that. :P
#27. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#25)
i'll drink to that.
and not live my life in fear of a bunch of fags dressed in robes plotting the end of the world.
#28. To: Rabble Rouser (#23)
"I just figured out a new way to really bug people.....hehehehe!" The musical greeting card trick was a riot when I pulled it in high school.
Tippy Turtle. Oh my freakin gawd! I thought I was the only guy who remembered that.
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#29. To: christine, Rabble Rouser (#26)
Tippy seems to have vanished down the memory hole. Hard to find anything about it even on google.
i didn't get it til you posted that.
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#30. To: lodwick (#1)
Hmmmm.....I wouldn't have thought of that, loddy. My Mom always insisted we put on fresh underwear in case we were in an accident or something and we had to go to the doctor! Will God give us shots?
I want clean underwear for the rapture.
#31. To: Enderby (#8)
You mean, no one told you to change your birthday to the 21st? That doesn't hardly seem fair........but are you sure you even want another birfday?
#32. To: orangedog (#28)
I went to the post office today to sign for a certified letter from the IRS. Actually two of them. Anyway, I got to thinking, if I mail enough helium baloons, my postal fees should add up to enough money to cover what the IRS thinks I owe. It's gonna take a lot of ballons but at least now I have a plan!
#33. To: Enderby (#8)
Oh damn...........I forgot to say, HAPPY BIRFDAY TO YOU!
#34. To: who knows what evil (#18)
Damn, but these conspiracies take their toll on people! It's a conspiracy, I tell ya--a conspiracy!
I guess we all have to go to work tomorrow. :-(
#35. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#25)
The robes I always thought were a little comical, but capes are another thing entirely. If there's one thing that the first Star Wars trilogy taught me is that it's never a good thing when grown men who like to wear capes take an unhealthy interest in your future.
I'll just react to it in the best way I know how, and not live my life in fear of a bunch of fags dressed in robes plotting the end of the world.
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#36. To: orangedog (#29)
They should do a Best of Saturday Night Live with just the fake ads and cartoons. But no Mr. Bill, please.
Tippy seems to have vanished down the memory hole.
#37. To: Rabble Rouser (#32)
And if you get bored in the mean time you can always go into a bank, take a withdraw slip, write "This is a stick up!" on the back, put it back on top of the stack and wait for the next fool to come along and use it.
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#38. To: Rabble Rouser (#36)
Comedy Central played it as part of a best-of show once, but it was more than ten years ago. I haven't seen any Tippy cartoons in forever.
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#39. To: orangedog (#37)
Man that's so....wrong. I've got some terrible ideas about IRS 941 reports.
, write "This is a stick up!" on the back, put it back on top of the stack and wait for the next fool to come along and use it.
#40. To: Rabble Rouser, orangedog (#36)
Before Tippy Turtle, there was Tippy the turtle: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=211172294308374001
"If there’s another 9/11 or a major war in the Middle-East involving a U.S. attack on Iran, I have no doubt that there will be, the day after or within days an equivalent of a Reichstag fire decree that will involve massive detentions in this country." - Daniel Ellsberg Author, Pentagon Papers
#41. To: robin (#40)
Good find! Looks like we had the spelling wrong.
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#42. To: Indrid Cold (#3)
I'd like to have one of those nuclear-powered hand-held gatling guns, like what One-Eye had in "Snow Crash." There're a lot of people I'd give a headstart on the Rapture.
If it truly was the end of the world, in a nuclear sense, I'd be stealing morphine and gunning down a few people.
"Benjamin Franklin was shown the new American constitution, and he said, 'I don't like it, but I will vote for it because we need something right now. But this constitution in time will fail, as all such efforts do. And it will fail because of the corruption of the people, in a general sense.' And that is what it has come to now, exactly as Franklin predicted." -- Gore Vidal
#43. To: Rabble Rouser (#32)
We're on a roll now! Jingle: "Hey, Tippi Turtle, coming down the street Jingle: Hey, Tippi Turtle! Hee hee hee! This is gonna be great! [ jumps excitedly ] Postal Employee: [ grabs box from midair, places it down again ] I don't know.. [ box floats away again ] Jingle: "Hey, Tippi Turtle!" Anyway, I got to thinking, if I mail enough helium baloons, my postal fees should add up to enough money to cover what the IRS thinks I owe. It's gonna take a lot of ballons but at least now I have a plan!
Tippi Turtle 
Tell us what you're gonna do!"
Tippi Turtle: "First, I'm gonna bother everybody I meet
Then, I'll probably go home and get drunk."
Hey, hey, Tippi Turtle!"
[ Tippi Turtle walks down the street ]
Tippi Turtle: Hi, everybody! Well, enough small talk - we've got people to annoy! Today, we're gonna bother these guys - the hammerheads at the U.S. Post Office. Hee hee hee! Now, pay attention.
[ Tippi demonstrates in his home workshop ]
Get some real thin balsa wood, and glue it together like this. See? You make a little box! Then, you take a helium balloon and you put it inside like this. Then, wrap it up and address it! Take it downtown.
[ show Tippi Turtle standing in line at the Post Office ]
Postal Employee: Next.
Tippi Turtle: Yes. Good afternoon, Mr. United States Post Office Man. Now, you charge according to weight, is that correct?
Postal Employee: Yeah, yeah, yeah, just put it on the scale.
Tippi Turtle: Okee-dokee! [ places his box on the scale, but it floats upward ] Looks like you owe me some money, hammerhead!
Tippi Turtle: [ bangs counter ] Are you gonna pay up, or not? I want my money! Fair is fair! [ leans close to the camera to whisper to the audience ] Be real obnoxious. Keep demanding money. Bother as many people as you can! [ leans back into the cartoon ] I want my money! Fair is fair!
[ a fight ensues, Tippi casually walks away ]
Tippi Turtle: Hee hee hee! Now, that's entertainment! Goodbye, everybody! See you next time!
[ fade to black ]
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#44. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#25)
I'm pretty sure it's now a federal offence to fear a bunch of fags in robes, no matter what they're plotting.
fear of a bunch of fags dressed in robes plotting the end of the world.
#45. To: orangedog (#43)
I saw it ONCE and laughrd so hard, it was permanently emblazoned into my memory!
Looks like you owe me some money, hammerhead!
#46. To: Rabble Rouser (#45)
I had beer coming out of my nose I was laughing so hard when I saw it the first time.
I saw it ONCE and laughrd so hard, it was permanently emblazoned into my memory!
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#47. To: tom007 (#39)
Yeah, but it wouldn't be so damned entertaining if it wasn't so wrong.
Man that's so....wrong.
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#48. To: orangedog (#47)
I can make no argument there.
Yeah, but it wouldn't be so damned entertaining if it wasn't so wrong.
#49. To: mehitable, christine, zipporah (#0)
Oh sure, pick on the new guy. You promise me the end of the world,it's almost midnight and every thing is still intact. What gives with that? I count on your insight and it's all for naught. I do my last vial of Demerol, grill a huge T-Bone for dinner, burn $100 bills just for fun and who knew you guys were just screwing around with some sort of joke. Sheeeeshhh. I read it on the internet, it must be true!
apparently today could well be....The End of the World.
#50. To: Enderby (#8)
Oh Enderby ..it's your birthday?? I wish I had known. Happy birthday to you & lots of love your way.. :)
#51. To: tosh (#49)
What gives with that? I count on your insight and it's all for naught. I do my last vial of Demerol, grill a huge T-Bone for dinner, burn $100 bills just for fun and who knew you guys were just screwing around with some sort of joke. Sheeeeshhh. I read it on the internet, it must be true! LOL! Hmm just damn if I woulda realized it was the end.. what would I have planned?? Hmmm..
Oh sure, pick on the new guy. You promise me the end of the world,it's almost midnight and every thing is still intact.
#52. To: Zipporah (#51)
This was a bit of a let down. I even updated my checklist: 1) lots of vodka on hand...check Oh well. The "good" news is that the week isn't over yet, so it might not be all for nothing.
Hmm just damn if I woulda realized it was the end.. what would I have planned?? Hmmm..
2) plenty of ammo...check
3) lots of smokes...check
4) ate red meat every day for the last month...check
5) ex-wife knows what I really think of her....check (like she hasn't known that for several years)
"Perhaps I should let you all in on a little secret. No one likes you in the future."
#53. To: tosh, Zipporah (#49)
i got 43 minutes here..if it ends, i'll die in my sleep. :P nightynight.
#54. To: orangedog (#52)
I'd have saved some of my demoral for you if you'd have bothered to tell my ex what I think of her Maybe next end of the world...
) ex-wife knows what I really think of her....check (like she hasn't known that for several years)
#55. To: tosh (#54)
lol..sh!t...now i only have 37 minutes! nightynight.
#56. To: christine (#55)
LOL!! Nite ~
#57. To: tosh (#54)
Maybe next end of the world... O M G.. You ARE horrid :P
I'd have saved some of my demoral for you if you'd have bothered to tell my ex what I think of her
#58. To: Enderby (#15)
That's very sweet of you, Enderby. I'm 26 in dog years :) Hope you had a great birthday!
"I woke up in the CRAZY HOUSE."
#59. To: robin (#19)
Maybe they're just behind a month. How about 9/22. That's 11 days after 9/11. Maybe they're all playing a floating crap game over there.
"I woke up in the CRAZY HOUSE."
#60. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#25)
Tommy, whatever happens, you'll go out with a snarl!!!! Sic 'em!!!!
"I woke up in the CRAZY HOUSE."
#61. To: mehitable (#58)
Hope you had a great birthday! It was quite pleasant -- thank you! No end of the world, though. I had to go to work today and everything. "26 in dog years?" I think that would make you either 4 or 182 in people years, depending on whether you multiply or divide by seven. Either way, I'm confused. That's OK, though. I'm used to being confused.
That's very sweet of you, Enderby. I'm 26 in dog years :)
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Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. -- H. L. Mencken
#62. To: Enderby (#61)
My error. I should have said cat years :)
"26 in dog years?" I think that would make you either 4 or 182 in people years, depending on whether you multiply or divide by seven. Either way, I'm confused.
"I woke up in the CRAZY HOUSE."
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