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Title: What kind of man renames Armour sausage?
Source:
Star Tribune
URL Source: http://www.startribune.com/804/story/748367.html
Published: Oct 20, 2006
Author: James Lileks
Post Date: 2006-10-20 16:19:50 by Pure Pork Kielbasa
Keywords: hotdogs, jimmydean, sausage
Views: 138
Comments: 5
Breakfast: It's the most enjoyably lethal of all meals, if done right. Pancakes, bacon, eggs and hash browns. Of course, you might as well inject a tube of tub caulk into your veins, same effect. Since I want to fit into my pants, I have the Breakfast of Denial -- overpriced yogurt and a small pathetic sausage, squeezed in a napkin to extract all the deadly juices until it tastes like a maple-flavored Duraflame log. I could eat Jimmy Dean brand, but I tired every morning of wondering whether he was dead or alive. It's like Abe Vigoda-brand Orange Juice. (Both Abe and Jimmy are alive, in case you're wondering.) So I ate Armour brand Brown 'N Serve, which are precooked and require a minute of nuking. Well. The other day at the grocery store I noticed a subtle difference: The package was the same, but the name had changed. Armour was gone. "Banquet" was the new brand. This is wrong. Wrong. Banquet means fried chicken; Armour means various indistinct meats assembled in tube form. Well, Armour was recently bought by ConAgra, which is owned by Pinnacle Foods, which is probably owned by the Bavarian Illuminati, and they've rebranded the Brown 'N Serve line. Pity: Armour is a venerable name that goes back to 1867, and contributed one of the great ad jingles in TV history. All together now: Hot dogs. Armour hot dogs. Sissy kids? They could never get away with that today; it would be like Wonder Bread promising to build strong bodies 12 ways so you could punch a bully in the kisser. Anyway, they taste the same. So never mind.
What kind of kids eat Armour hot dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks;
Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chickenpox.
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#1. To: Pure Pork Kielbasa (#0)
Into the trash heap of American iconic brands, just like Franco-American.(which is now Campbells) Some Cocoa Marsh would be good right now.
formerly GJones.
Dude. You seriously have meat on the brain.
the law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets and steal bread.
Jeez, I was humming the melody when I read that jingle! I guess that dates me!
#2. To: Pure Pork Kielbasa (#0)
#3. To: Pure Pork Kielbasa (#0)
(Edited)
Hot dogs. Armour hot dogs. What kind of kids eat Armour hot dogs? Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks; Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chickenpox...eat hot dogs. Armour hot dogs. The dogs kids love to bite.
**LEAP**
"I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. Government will lead the American people, and the West in general, into an unbearable hell and choking life.
-- Osama bin Laden
"A prohibition law strikes at the very principles upon which our govt was founded."
- Lincoln
All our liberties are due to men who, when their conscience has compelled them, have broken the laws of the land.
--William K Clifford
#4. To: bluedogtxn (#2)
Well they market a vegetarian kielbasa made from tofu under the brand name TofurkeyDude. You seriously have meat on the brain.
but I don't care much for the way it tastes.
Besides, it makes your turds float and almost impossible to flush down the commode.
Pork: The Other White Meat
#5. To: Pure Pork Kielbasa (#0) (Edited)
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