See other 4play Articles
Title: "Michael J. Fox is Right!" admits Rush "Stem Cells cure ED"
Source:
thespoof.com
URL Source: http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i11796
Published: Oct 30, 2006
Author: Willis Rodney
Post Date: 2006-10-30 19:36:29 by orangedog
Keywords: Willy, No, Worky
Views: 114
Comments: 7
In a sordid battle that has pitted intelligent, caring, progressive Americans against impotent, painkiller-addicted Americans, Rush Limbaugh has taken what little shred of dignity remained in the pedophile-infested Republican party and handily flushed it down the toilet.
"Viagra manufacturers gave me this tie. I hate you, Michael J Fox!"
"Rush, you make the baby Jesus cry!" screams a Micheal J. Fox fan during Rush Limbaugh's morning radio broadcast.
Limbaugh apologized to viewers admitting his statements ridiculing Michael J. Fox's terminal illness were simply beyond his control.
"I suffer from Limbaugh syndrome," explains the radio broadcaster.
"Limbaugh syndrome is a devastating illness, more devastating than Parkinson's because it's when a man is never again able to achieve, um, it's permanent erectile dysfunction that won't respond to Viagra. So all you sympathy mongers out there, before you call me hateful and evil, please, just imagine for one moment you have Limbaugh Syndrome too. Women just laugh at me when I'm naked and limp as a wet sock, not even a whole bottle of Viagra does any good, or can wipe away decades of quiet tears, humiliation and frustration..."
"Watching a sunset and listening to birds used to make me happy, but now, only two things in life bring me any joy - oxycontin pills and making fun of other people on the radio. I can't even get my oxy anymore!" complains the radio host. "Michael J Fox is loved by millions, but no one thinks I'm brave for trying to overcome ED and falling, I mean failing at it? Bitter?"
"I hate you, world!" screams Rush Limbauh, lip trembling, visibly struggling to hold back the tears.
Recent scientific data suggests that stem cells and stem cell research will soon be able to provide a permanent cure for erectile dysfunction and provide a cure for life-threatening conditions such as Parkinson's, diabetes, lung cancer and Alzheimer's.
"My choice: living out the rest of my impotent life with nothing but high calorie food, cigars and oxycontin for company, or using stem cells for a cure... Michael J Fox is right! Michael J Fox is right!" screams Rush, with a bright gleam of long-lost hope reawakened in his eyes.
In other news, a CNN poll found that 84% of Americans agree that Rush Limbaugh is an inept, obese bigot. Another 77% "feel vaguely sorry for the man."
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 2.
#1. To: orangedog (#0)
i got it this time. :P
That's good...I was afraid we were going to have to check your roots [/backhanded blonde joke]
#3. To: orangedog (#2)
and this is after the blonde highlights. :P
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
#2. To: christine (#1)
Replies to Comment # 2.
End Trace Mode for Comment # 2.