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Title: Belief-O-Matic
Source:
Belief-O-Matic
URL Source: http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html
Published: Apr 20, 2005
Author: Unknonw
Post Date: 2005-04-20 10:36:46 by crack monkey
Keywords: Belief-O-Matic
Views: 2654
Comments: 87
Here's an interesting site that was up on El Pee. It tells you if you belong to the proper religion or not. It doesn't tell you if you are going to hell, but it still seems useful. Here is the link:
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#1. To: crack monkey (#0)
did you take this? what was your result? i had a hard time answering some of the questions, but my result was shocking to me.
1. Nontheist (100%)
What did it say? Did it tell you to convert to judaism to get even with your parents? It's happened to other forum owners you know. I hear the benefits of perpetual victimhood are awesome.
I'm only 14% Catholic. I think I was only 22% LDS. I came up high with Lutheran and Unitarian stuff. I didn't pay close attention. I'll take it again at lunch. I'm trying to do real work now and I'm only allowing myself a few minutes per hour on line. I'm not like badeye where I can run a multinational company while focusing my full attention on the the chat board.
Do you remember the old expression that Buddists accept the fact that shit happens while jews accept the fact that shit happens to them?
Never heard that, sounds about right though.
I was amazed to learn that I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
I'm an Orthodox Jew/Islam. I guess I should just shoot myself and see if I can collect the virgins.
holy sh!t, like flint, i'm 100% orthodox judaism! and islamic 97%!
LOL! What a combo.
lol - all I can look forward to is passing out pamplets door to door.
Are you a virgin?
With Michael Jackson
I came in with Jehovah's Witness at 94%--in SECOND place. I was a Mainline or Conservative Christian 100% (I don't think that is the 'official' words that was used.
LOL...............ain't you just special!!! What a combo!
I took it again and I'm 51% Jewish, 47% moslem and now only 13% Catholic. I lost a point here. I score high as a Unitarian, a Protestant and as a Qaker.
I guess I should just shoot myself and see if I can collect the virgins. Trace got 100% as a Catholic Alter Boy. He got 97% as a Bush worshiper.
Hi there. This May's Reader's Digest has an article called "Fallout" about the above ground atomic bomb tests at Yucca Flat, Nevada during the fifties and sixties and how they affected the residents of Idaho, especially those in the Emmett area of the state. The folks in Gem county are trying to get fedgov to include Idaho on the list of states where cancer victims, or their families, are compenstated $50,000 for being used as lab rats during the cold war... FYI
i used to be. :P
time to re-evaluate my beliefs. :P
I came out %100 liberal Quaker, and %100 mainline to liberal Protestant. Color me surprised!
That sounds like a religious mandate.
100 percent neo-pagan, 94 percent Jainist. I guess I get to keep my Thor's hammer for awhile.
Shalom, Salaam, looks like I'm in the same club.
But what good is having Thor's hammer if you never get to smack anybody with it? What's the point of a hammer if you never smite any infidels? Heck, might as well be Thor's feather for all the good it's doing.
me thinks something strange is going on here. it's some sort of mind control conspiracy.
1. Unitarian Universalism (100%)
Oh, thank Bog! Another non-theist to keep me company.
I think I wanna be one of them. I don't know what it is, but the wiggly-squiqqleys in the name are kinda cool.
Can we at least add some squiggly things to the name?
Well, Esso has two squigglies already. But, if you must be a glutton, we could add two of the other squigglies and call ourselves "Essoñiañs".
Emmett's way over on the western side of the state--fairly close to the Oregon- Idaho border. My brother's read quite a bit about that whole era.
My results really didnt surprise me.. 1. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)
Me too, but my second was Quaker (89%).
Some of the questions IMO were confusing though..
Yes they were. Maybe I'm just a confused Quaker.
Me too. I think I scored higher than you. Mid 90's or something. The family of my grandmother on my dad's side were big time Quakers. Maybe I'll go check it out. I'm going to see if there is a church around here. Might be interesting to see it. I did see a Quaker Church in Hampstead in the UK. It was from the early 1800s with the wooden benches and short doors and classic style English church yard. I also eat the oats for breakfast sometimes.
I know. That's why I kept hitting the don't know, don't care, doesn't apply button. And don't even ask me about that 'how important is this to you' button, I skipped that altogether. That might explain my somewhat curious results.
Multinational????? i though his territory was all of East Cinciinati?
Sell-out :)
Mine was really similar to yours. I think my mahayana buddaism was higher and my new age and pagan was a little lower, but basically the same as yours. My judaism and islam was about 50%.
Here's mine again. It comes up different everytime I do it. That must mean that I'm evolving. 1. Unitarian Universalism (100%) My Protestant dropped down to the bottom this time and my Catholic picked up three points.
How about "Eßøñiåçs"? Lotsa squiggleys there, and as everyone knows; good sqiuggleys make for good religion.
Two questions. How do you pronounce it? Will the church services be nice and short?
Can Dakmar be the Pope of the Essoñiañs?
Pope? Ahhhhhhh!!! Too much responsibility! ps, stay away from the souse loaf That's a 3 year old story, but for some reason I remembered seeing "souse loaf" in the deli, and remembered it sounded disgusting. .... I just looked it up, I guess souse is same thing as head cheese, which I really wasn't sure what that was either.
Nonsense. All you've got to do is drive around in the Pope-mobile, mumble and throw water on people.
I've been arrested every time I've done that before, why is now the right time all the sudden?
When I clicked the souse loaf link it said "FORBIDDEN".
We could get him one of those super soakers.
Popes wear funny hats. Do you have one?
LOL! You're only a few hours from Cincinnati.. the head cheese capital of the US.. germans.. lots of them.
I've taken this test before, but I'll try it again just for kicks. Some idiot telemarketer just called, the fuck*r kept lying to me, all I wanted to know was what company he was with. He must have had a really crappy phone, because his voice kept cutting in and out, but he wouldn't shut up. I informed him of the situation at least twice but he just kept getting louder and more belligerent. Back To Topic At Hand: what?
Errr, it's *spiritual* smiting. Thor smites them, umm, from Asgard. Yeah, that's it! And when he swings his hammer, the unbeliever will have all sorts of...bad luck. Well, never mind. [shuffles slowly off]
In Scotland, they serve up the tasty??? Haggis which, apparently, is all those parts of a sheep no sane (or sober) human would ordinarily consume. They grind all that up, mix it with oatmeal and spices, stuff it all into a sheep's stomach and bake it up to a yummy goodness then parading it into the dining room accompanied with bagpipes and champagne (and much more scotch whisky). After the scotch, I went to Burger King.
Blech.. sounds something like goetta.. it's oats, ground beef and ground pork..
Not any really funny hats. I have a floppy leather hat that doesn't look good on me but makes a nice wall decoration. Fringe jacket still fits. :)
"Eßøñiåçs" Essoniacs. Only as long as the booze holds out. Yes, his participation is mandatory. Time for you to step up to the plate Dak, ol' buddy. It is strictly forbidden. Looks like we got us a religion, go ahead and send me the money and I'll get started on the bar...uh, church. See y'all Sunday.
Maybe you could pound nails with it.
No one is forcing Scotland on ya lad. I wouldn't bet real money cause you might just be a ringer, but in the spirit of enquiry might I, uh, ask if I can have about tree fiddy?
There is a french dish that is a cooked section of pig intestine from the part half way between pig food and pig shit. It smells like pig shit. I can't remember the name. I'm not making this up. I really saw a guy eat it once.
Sheppards Pie is one of the really good dishes they have. It's mashed potatos with beef and gravey on top with a pie crust on top of that. Sort of like a beef wellington. Really great. There was something else they ate that looked like a tub of lard. It was really gross.
I think they call that Paris (where also a lot a wierd stuff is eaten) delicacy Le Pig Shit. The best food in Europe is in Italy (excepting squiggly sea critters).
Shepherds Pie is a cultural treasure! Eat Shit And Die You Elitist, Candlesniffing Barbarian! 31x(!)
If you read the Stephen King book "The Stand" the old black woman eats something called pig squeezings. I think this is the same thing. It's an old peasant dish that some really fancy restuarants in paris feature sometimes. When people go out they eat it sort of on a dare.
If you're cooking something over a big fire in a heavy pan, you'd want the meat near the bottom.
You're right, I think the beef was at the bottom and the mashed potatos were on top. In fact, I think the best I ever had didn't have a pie crust, the potatos were just browned until they were crisp.
"What do you mean IF I win the fight?"
I was looking at the buddhist part of the Belief-O-Matic site. There were some meditation pantings that were supposed to shut off your mind. The one on the left looked like the top view of a Chow dog sticking out its blue tongue. The rest of the dog is of course off the top of the picture. I can't figure out what the red one on the right looks like.
Panties, Yes! What, am I the only straight person posting here? Send at least 56 dollars for ironclad proof, y'all.
Can Palistineans legally use peyote?
Yes and no. It depends.
If you're Pope, you can get away with it. Just mumble something about the will of God and keep throwing water!
Non-Indian peyote case could head to Supreme Court
i need re-programming apparently. ;)
Maybe you should ask Ronnie James Dio if he wants to be pope. That would actually be pretty cool, music-wise anyway.
I hear Trent Reznor's on the short list.......
Maybe Michael Jackson could be co-Pope and they could share hats, outfits, and servants.
I think Michael just wants to be a Priest.
Aw gee, now you've got me feeling like a big bully. I just think Thor needs to work a little on that whole, er, "potency" thing. Time to break out the spirtual Viagra if he wants to get peoples attention. Pull off a few miracles, stuff like that. And a well-timed public smiting can work wonders on non-believers. Look, if you get a chance to pass a message along to Thor, tell him that I suggest publicly smacking one of these crooked CEO's, live on TV. Appear out of nowhere, bop him a good one, and deliver a brief message. Then disappear. Just think on it a while. Try it on. Get back to me, we'll do lunch.
Isn't it disgraceful that a pop star and role model like Michael Jackson is caught behaving like a priest?
How do you pronounce it? Will the church services be nice and short? And are the chicks HOT?!?
Of course, silly.
1. Eastern Orthodox (100%) Given my shift over the past few years, not at all surprised by the top two. Not surprised to see the other Orthodoxies represented in my top ten. I knew one of the Eastern Religions would make the top ten- wasn't betting on Hindu.
#2. To: crack monkey (#0)
2. Unitarian Universalism (91%)
3. Secular Humanism (88%)
4. Theravada Buddhism (83%)
5. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (77%)
6. Liberal Quakers (73%)
7. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (66%)
8. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (65%)
9. Bahá'í Faith (62%)
10. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (59%)
11. Jehovah's Witness (56%)
12. Neo-Pagan (47%)
13. Sikhism (45%)
14. New Thought (43%)
15. Orthodox Quaker (42%)
16. Islam (40%)
17. Orthodox Judaism (40%)
18. Mahayana Buddhism (39%)
19. Eastern Orthodox (37%)
20. Hinduism (37%)
21. Roman Catholic (37%)
22. Jainism (34%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (34%)
24. Taoism (34%)
25. Reform Judaism (30%)
26. Scientology (30%)
27. New Age (29%)
#3. To: christine (#1)
but my result was shocking to me.
#4. To: christine (#1)
#5. To: Esso (#3)
I hear the benefits of perpetual victimhood are awesome.
#6. To: crack monkey (#5)
#7. To: crack monkey (#0)
#8. To: lodwick, Crack Monkey (#7)
I was amazed to learn that I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
#9. To: Flintlock, Esso, crack monkey, lodwick (#8)
#10. To: christine (#9)
#11. To: Flintlock (#8)
I guess I should just shoot myself and see if I can collect the virgins.
#12. To: christine (#9)
i'm 100% orthodox judaism! and islamic 97%!
#13. To: lodwick (#11)
all I can look forward to is passing out pamplets door to door.
#14. To: lodwick (#7)
#15. To: christine (#9)
holy sh!t, like flint, i'm 100% orthodox judaism! and islamic 97%!
#16. To: christine (#1)
#17. To: Flintlock (#8)
I'm an Orthodox Jew/Islam.
#18. To: rowdee (#14)
#19. To: Flintlock (#12)
#20. To: Esso (#10)
#21. To: crack monkey (#0)
#22. To: crack monkey (#17)
Trace got 100% as a Catholic Alter Boy.
#23. To: Elliott Jackalope (#21)
#24. To: christine, Flintlock, zipporah (#9)
holy sh!t, like flint, i'm 100% orthodox judaism! and islamic 97%!
I am pondering which to join, I think I look more dashing as a sheik than a Lubavitch.
#25. To: Indrid Cold (#23)
#26. To: 1776, crack monkey, Hmmmmm, ALL (#24)
#27. To: christine (#26)
Check this out. I have no idea what it means.
2. Nontheist (97%)
3. Secular Humanism (97%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (85%)
5. Theravada Buddhism (83%)
6. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (80%)
7. Liberal Quakers (79%)
8. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (75%)
9. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (72%)
10. Bahá'í Faith (71%)
11. Jehovah's Witness (62%)
12. Neo-Pagan (57%)
13. New Thought (48%)
14. Eastern Orthodox (45%)
15. Islam (45%)
16. Orthodox Judaism (45%)
17. Roman Catholic (45%)
18. Sikhism (45%)
19. Mahayana Buddhism (40%)
20. Hinduism (36%)
21. Jainism (36%)
22. Orthodox Quaker (36%)
23. Reform Judaism (36%)
24. Scientology (36%)
25. Taoism (34%)
26. New Age(29%)
27. Seventh Day Adventist (22%)
#28. To: Esso (#27)
#29. To: All (#27)
Bahá'í Faith
#30. To: Mr Nuke Buzzcut (#28)
Another non-theist to keep me company.
#31. To: Esso (#30)
Can we at least add some squiggly things to the name?
#32. To: lodwick (#18)
#33. To: crack monkey (#0)
2. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (98%)
3. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (81%) 4. Orthodox Quaker (80%)
5. Bah33;'33; Faith (70%)
6. Jehovah's Witness (69%)
7. Islam (60%)
8. Orthodox Judaism (60%)
9. Liberal Quakers (58%)
10. Seventh Day Adventist (56%) 11. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (54%)
12. Eastern Orthodox (54%)
13. Roman Catholic (54%)
14. Reform Judaism (46%)
15. Unitarian Universalism (45%)
16. Sikhism (41%)
17. New Thought (32%)
18. Mahayana Buddhism (30%) 19. Theravada Buddhism (30%)
20. Jainism (29%)
21. Nontheist (27%)
22. New Age (26%)
23. Scientology (23%)
24. Neo-Pagan (22%)
25. Secular Humanism (20%)
26. Taoism (20%)
27. Hinduism (20%)
#34. To: Zipporah (#33)
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (100%)
#35. To: robin (#34)
#36. To: Zipporah (#35)
#37. To: robin (#34)
Me too, but my second was Quaker (89%).
#38. To: Zipporah (#35)
Some of the questions IMO were confusing though..
#39. To: crack monkey (#4)
Unitarian Universalism (100%) 2. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (96%) 3. Liberal Quakers (95%) 4. Orthodox Quaker (85%) 5. New Age (81%) 6. Neo-Pagan (80%) 7. Secular Humanism (73%) 8. Mahayana Buddhism (66%) 9. Reform Judaism (62%) 10. Theravada Buddhism (61%) 11. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (59%) 12. Taoism (58%) 13. Seventh Day Adventist (55%) 14. New Thought (52%) 15. Scientology (51%) 16. Bahá'í Faith (50%) 17. Hinduism (49%) 18. Eastern Orthodox (49%) 19. Roman Catholic (49%) 20. Nontheist (46%) 21. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (42%) 22. Orthodox Judaism (42%) 23. Jainism (38%) 24. Sikhism (37%) 25. Islam (36%) 26. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (30%) 27. Jehovah's Witness (18%)
#40. To: Esso (#29)
http://www.bahai.org/
#41. To: christine (#9)
i'm 100% orthodox judaism! and islamic 97%!
#42. To: hfrancis (#39)
Multinational????? i though his territory was all of East Cinciinati?
#43. To: hfrancis (#39)
2. Mahayana Buddhism (96%))
3. Liberal Quakers (96%))
4. Neo-Pagan (91%))
5. Hinduism (85%) )
6. Jainism (82%))
7. New Age (82%) )
8. Theravada Buddhism (78%) )
9. Reform Judaism (75%) )
10. Taoism (74%) )
11. Bahá'í Faith (71%) )
12. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (71%) )
13. Sikhism (69%) )
14. Scientology (69%) )
15. New Thought (68%))
16. Secular Humanism (60%) )
17. Orthodox Quaker (58%) )
18. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (57%) )
19. Orthodox Judaism (53%) )
20. Islam (47%) )
21. Nontheist (36%))
22. Seventh Day Adventist (32%) )
23. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (29%) )
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (27%) )
25. Jehovah's Witness (18%) )
26. Eastern Orthodox (16%) )
27. Roman Catholic (16%) )
#44. To: Mr Nuke Buzzcut, Dakmar (#31)
"Essoñiañs"
#45. To: Esso (#44)
"Eßøñiåçs"
#46. To: Esso (#44)
Essoñiañs"
#47. To: crack monkey, Esso (#46)
#48. To: Dakmar (#47)
Pope? Ahhhhhhh!!! Too much responsibility!
#49. To: crack monkey, Esso (#48)
forgot to ping you
#50. To: crack monkey (#45)
#51. To: Flintlock (#48)
#52. To: Dakmar (#47)
#53. To: Flintlock (#48)
All you've got to do is drive around in the Pope-mobile, mumble and throw water on people.
#54. To: Dakmar (#50)
#55. To: Dakmar (#47)
I just looked it up, I guess souse is same thing as head cheese, which I really wasn't sure what that was either.
#56. To: crack monkey (#0)
#57. To: Elliott Jackalope (#25)
But what good is having Thor's hammer if you never get to smack anybody with it? What's the point of a hammer if you never smite any infidels?
#58. To: Dakmar (#47)
#59. To: wbales (#58)
They grind all that up, mix it with oatmeal and spices, stuff it all into a sheep's stomach
#60. To: crack monkey, christine (#54)
Popes wear funny hats. Do you have one?
#61. To: crack monkey, Dakmar, Flintlock (#45)
Two questions. How do you pronounce it?
Will the church services be nice and short?
Can Dakmar be the Pope of the Eßøñiåçs?
Pope? Ahhhhhhh!!! Too much responsibility!
ps, stay away from the souse loaf
All you've got to do is drive around in the Pope-mobile, mumble and throw water on people.
#62. To: Elliott Jackalope (#25)
But what good is having Thor's hammer if you never get to smack anybody with it? What's the point of a hammer if you never smite any infidels?
#63. To: wbales (#58)
#64. To: Zipporah (#59)
#65. To: Dakmar (#63)
No one is forcing Scotland on ya lad. I wouldn't bet real money cause you might just be a ringer, but in the spirit of enquiry might I, uh, ask if I can have about tree fiddy?
#66. To: crack monkey (#64)
There is a french dish that is a cooked section of pig intestine from the part half way between pig food and pig shit. It smells like pig shit. I can't remember the name. I'm not making this up. I really saw a guy eat it once.
#67. To: crack monkey (#65)
#68. To: wbales (#66)
#69. To: crack monkey (#65)
#70. To: Dakmar (#69)
If you're cooking something over a big fire in a heavy pan, you'd want the meat near the bottom.
#71. To: crack monkey (#70)
#72. To: Dakmar (#69)
#73. To: crack monkey (#72)
#74. To: crack monkey, JHoffa_, Esso (#72)
#75. To: Dakmar (#74)
Can Palistineans legally use peyote?
#76. To: Dakmar (#51)
why is now the right time all the sudden?
#77. To: crack monkey (#75)
#78. To: Bayonne (#41)
#79. To: Flintlock (#76)
#80. To: Dakmar (#79)
Maybe you should ask Ronnie James Dio if he wants to be pope.
#81. To: Flintlock (#80)
#82. To: Dakmar (#81)
Maybe Michael Jackson could be co-Pope
#83. To: Indrid Cold (#57)
#84. To: Flintlock (#82)
I think Michael just wants to be a Priest.
#85. To: crack monkey, Esso (#45)
Two questions.
#86. To: Mr Nuke Buzzcut (#85)
#87. To: crack monkey (#0)
2. Roman Catholic (100%)
3. Seventh Day Adventist (85%)
4. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (80%)
5. Orthodox Quaker (77%)
6. Hinduism (67%)
7. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (58%)
8. Jehovah's Witness (50%)
9. Orthodox Judaism (48%)
10. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (45%)
11. Liberal Quakers (38%)
12. Islam (37%)
13. Sikhism (36%)
14. Unitarian Universalism (34%)
15. Jainism (33%)
16. Bah33;'33; Faith (30%)
17. Mahayana Buddhism (22%)
18. Theravada Buddhism (20%)
19. Neo-Pagan (19%)
20. Reform Judaism (16%)
21. Secular Humanism (16%)
22. New Age (15%)
23. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (14%)
24. Nontheist (13%)
25. New Thought (9%)
26. Scientology (8%)
27. Taoism (7%)
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