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Title: Adventures in Flirting
Source:
The Bob Circus
URL Source: [None]
Published: Jan 3, 2007
Author: Bob Wallace
Post Date: 2007-01-03 20:51:37 by YertleTurtle
Keywords: None
Views: 751
Comments: 57
Admit it, guys. You don't know if a woman's interested in you unless she turns into Shirtless Girl right in front of your eyes. Mostly you just sit there all lumpish and retarded, right? Now, I'm not saying I can turn you into a Love God (aka "me") but I can give you enough pointers so that you won't be a goggle-eyed melonhead anymore, suavely asking, "Did it hurt when an angel like you fell from heaven?" It all started in college. One hungover Saturday morning, my roommate and I were eating breakfast at one of those places with a lot of booths. There was a woman about three booths over, eating breakfast by herself. She was facing me, so my roommate couldn't see her. As I looked at her, and she saw me looking at her, she had some sort of a seizure. At least I thought it was a seizure, at first. She began to bounce up and down, flinging her head around and flipping her hair back from her face with her hand. "Good Lord," I thought, "I've got Super Villain superpowers! I can make women have fits just by looking at them!" I looked down at my hash browns and eggs over easy and pretended I didn't see her anymore. I figured she was probably really upset by my looking at her. "Why do you have your nose stuck in your plate?" my roommate asked me. "I think that woman over might call the cops on me," I answered. A few weeks later I had a class assignment to cover a talk by a woman who was an expert on flirting. As I was sitting at a table by myself, she walked by me on her way to the podium and banged my chair with her hip, hard enough to move me. "Aha!" I thought. "Flirting behavior! She likes me!" Later I realized she was probably just nervous and accidently walked into me. Guess what she told the crowd? That the first thing women did when flirting was "the hair flip." They flip their hair back from their face with a hand. Usually they arch their back and aim their boobage at you, too. The woman in the restaurant wasn't upset with me. She was flattered because I was looking at her, and I had no idea whatsoever. Clueless I was! But after that talk, not anymore! The next time I got the hair flip, I walked over, took her hand, got down on my knees and told her she was the most beautiful woman I had never seen and I worshipped her from the first moment I saw her. Ha ha! I was in like Flint! The alcohol helped, too. People think I'm weird, anyway, and even stranger when I drink. I may look more like Spongebob Squarepants than Sean Connery, but I ain't shy. And it's been uphill ever since my encounter with the Flirting Lady. Okay, guys, I've done my public service announcement for this week. Now go get 'em. Rowf! Rowf!
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#18. To: who knows what evil (#17)
Enjoy, everyone.
You're not welcome on my threads.
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
Being pleasent and talking to you, I would guess. Sometimes being stooopid, trying to impress you, but maybe that's mainly for younger fools.
Men are almost always interested. Signal? He's talking to you.
I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace. — George W. Bush, June 18, 2002, 10:30 A.M. EDT
Beat me to it.
I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace. — George W. Bush, June 18, 2002, 10:30 A.M. EDT
Some years ago I was in a courthouse in downtown Houston, and I was walking around the building with a guy who worked there and knew lots of other people who worked there. To me he was just an ordinary nice guy, but I was totally amazed at all the women who came up to him saying, "Oh hi Fred!" (his name was Fred) and I got to witness women flirting bigtime with Fred. Of course I was invisible to these many women who seemed quite interested in Fred, but I got to observe big-time flirting in action and indeed they thrust their boobies out and did all that stuff with the hair, they smiled showing lots of teeth and sort of swayed their bodies back and forth. It was very interesting to me, I don't think I'll ever forget that. On the other hand I'm not a flirt, just not the type, if anything if I'm interested in someone I tend to get tongue- tied and stumble over my words and trip over my own feet when around that person. It's really embarrassing and then I just stay away. Someone has to really like me and pursue me to get me in any kind of relationship (if I like them too), plus when I saw all those women at the courthouse in action it struck me as kind of dumb.
** ping ** You might find this helpful.
If I haven't addressed you, then don't bother to reply to my posts. -- The Poney Poker
New TV show from which we can all learn something: Gay, Straight or Taken?. (smiley suppressed)
I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace. — George W. Bush, June 18, 2002, 10:30 A.M. EDT
I think that Ponchy character is beyond hope. What a spoil-sport he is, a rainer on people's parades, that sort of thing.
Me too.
Ponchy, if he hasn't addressed you, you shouldn't be responding to his posts. Besides, what would your record be if you didn't count barnyard animals?
If I haven't addressed you, then don't bother to reply to my posts. -- The Poney Poker
Besides, what would your record be if you didn't count barnyard animals? He reminds me of a jerk I know who's written me crazed emails for years. But, I put him on Bozo. I post what I hope is a fun/serious article, and he sticks his snout in and gets ignorant.
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
I'm come to the conclusion this type of behavior in inborn and genetic. What I don't understand is why so many guys miss it. I sure did, at first.
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
He's just a lonely idiot with a bad case of idiotidas. Idiotidas is a type of inferiority complex. The silly victims try to make people respect them by being arrogant and nasty. The more shit they get over their behavior, the more they repeat it. This is because second symptom is that the victims can never be wrong. It's a form of mental illness common in many alcoholics.
If I haven't addressed you, then don't bother to reply to my posts. -- The Poney Poker
Another thing about a lot of women, they will put up with all sorts of crap from men and forgive them in a heartbeat, but if they feel the least bit slighted by another female they turn into shrews, claws and all. Women can be quite mean to one another, I think it's an inborn competition thing.
Nearly everytime I'm at a restaurant with a woman the waitress will try her darnest to distract my attention from my date to her.
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
That is typical. Usually the big flirt types are the worst in this regard. Not all women are that way but too many are. I can remember when that William Kennedy Smith rape trial was going on, it seemed to be women who were on his side, claiming the girl asked for it and so on.
And TommyTheMadArtist fer sure :-)
"pound pastrami, can kraut, six bagels – bring home for Emma"
Good lord. I live in Minneapolis, and apparently there's something in the water here, because apparently there is a shortage of straight guys, who look straight, and have skills that can attract a female. I get the hair flip thing all the time, the Boobage thing, and all that stuff, and I'm not even attractive. I suppose I am, if you think Ming The Merciless is cute, but then that all goes back to being charming as hell I think. Not sure what the deal is, but I've had women hit on me, right in front of my wife, and they don't even seem to care. I can tell you definitively, I'm not a pretty man, and if I have women hitting on me, imagine how much tail good looking guys could get in this town.
One more, and I'm gonzo this evening - Johnny covering Nat King Cole - "Too Young"
#19. To: Redheadedstranger (#14)
So tell me, boob...er, bob, have you gotten laid in the last ten years?
#20. To: Zipporah (#2)
tell us, what 'signals' do men send if they're interested?
#21. To: Zipporah (#2)
...what 'signals' do men send if they're interested
#22. To: tom007 (#20)
#23. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
They flip their hair back from their face with a hand. Usually they arch their back and aim their boobage at you, too.
#24. To: Ponchy (#0)
#25. To: All (#22)
(Edited)
#26. To: Minerva (#24)
#27. To: who knows what evil (#17)
Although I am more of a metal head,
#28. To: Ponchy, Yertle the Turtle (#14)
So tell me, boob...er, bob, have you gotten laid in the last ten years?
#29. To: Minerva (#28)
Ponchy, if he hasn't addressed you, you shouldn't be responding to his posts.
#30. To: Diana (#23)
Some years ago I was in a courthouse in downtown Houston, and I was walking around the building with a guy who worked there and knew lots of other people who worked there.
#31. To: Diana (#26)
(Edited)
think that Ponchy character is beyond hope.
#32. To: YertleTurtle (#30)
#33. To: Diana (#32)
Women can be quite mean to one another, I think it's an inborn competition thing.
#34. To: YertleTurtle (#33)
Nearly everytime I'm at a restaurant with a woman the waitress will try her darnest to distract my attention from my date to her.
#35. To: who knows what evil, Tommythemadartist (#7)
#36. To: Axenolith (#35)
 | This country's priorities are all fucked up. |
#37. To: TommyTheMadArtist (#36)
It seems that being hitched, or indifferent, seems to attract attention. I wouldn't claim to be anything to write home about either, but I've gotten a lot of that too. Even in the wifes presence. What's funnier is between my job and the fact that I'm a fanatical metal detecting enthusiast, more often than not I'm covered in dirt and that seems to intensify it! Now that I think of it, it's probably this. If you look gnarly, you probably have the stink of "work" about you, and in todays world full of ambiguous fem-boys, metrosexuals, homosexuals and slackers you eminate the only significant sign of being a male who's going to have the whole male package of provider and defender...
"pound pastrami, can kraut, six bagels – bring home for Emma"
#38. To: Diana (#26)
What a spoil-sport he is, a rainer on people's parades, that sort of thing. i agree that buckeroo was better than ponchy. maybe we should switch back.
I think that Ponchy character is beyond hope.
"And this is the end of my brilliant career on the 4um..." -- ponchy 12/20/2006
#39. To: Axenolith (#37)
it's the long hair. ;)
#40. To: who knows what evil (#12)
smiles work ;)
it would probably be something as simple as a smile.
#41. To: christine (#40) (Edited)
Some eye contact, a smile, and the key attraction: dress nice. Women love a clean, well dressed man.
Mark
"I was real close to Building 7 when it fell down... That didn't sound like just a building falling down to me while I was running away from it. There's a lot of eyewitness testimony down there of hearing explosions. [..] and the whole time you're hearing "boom, boom, boom, boom, boom." I think I know an explosion when I hear it... — Former NYC Police Officer and 9/11 Rescue Worker Craig Bartmer
#42. To: Kamala (#41)
To almost all guys, "well-dressed" means "fag." In the summer, I wear beige shorts, a pullover shirt, white socks and white sneakers, and a hat. That's all I wear, everyday. I have no intention of changing. In the winter, beige long pants, white socks, a pullover shirt, and a hat. I have no intention of changing that, either.
well dressed man.
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
#43. To: YertleTurtle (#42)
You like your beige pants.
#44. To: YertleTurtle (#19)
Snicker...gotten paid for your hack writing in the last ten years?
If I haven't addressed you, then don't bother to reply to my posts.
#45. To: Redheadedstranger (#44)
ponchy, how many forums did you get kicked off of this week?
"And this is the end of my brilliant career on the 4um..." -- ponchy 12/20/2006
#46. To: Redheadedstranger (#44)
You know, there's probably some little kid in Somalia that could put the oxygen your wasting to better use, you should cede it to them. Hey, someone's gotta get the shitty spots on the karma wheel, and maybe you'll do better by the time you get to the 1000th time around. 'Course, the thought of starting over again near the bottom of the metaphysical food chain must be pretty daunting. Just remember, when you're comfortably ensconsed on the ass of some mangy ally cur packing away a load of distemper loaded blood to seed a cluster of your larvae, there will probably be some lawyers or bankers re-incarnated as those little mites that take up residence in your spiracles making your life miserable...
"pound pastrami, can kraut, six bagels – bring home for Emma"
#47. To: Diana (#43)
My car, dog and house are beige!
You like your beige pants.
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
#48. To: YertleTurtle (#47)
With this devotion to beige, you prolly have a beige wife and children. :-)
My car, dog and house are beige!
#49. To: lodwick, Diana (#48)
:-) All beige. With this devotion to beige, you prolly have a beige wife and children.
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
#50. To: YertleTurtle (#49)
Absolutely beautiful little children - thanks for sharing with us. God bless you, and them.
#51. To: YertleTurtle, who knows what evil, christine, zipporah (#7) (Edited)
It's easy for me to read the body language. They all want me, all the time, so anything they do says they want me... right Chris? Zip?
Let's just 'ping' Critter and get this over with.
The Subversive Firearms Forums
When they come for your guns, take theirs.
#52. To: Critter (#51)
What about if they beat you with a stick and then grab your 'nads and give 'em a good twist? They have a crush on you? ;-)
It's easy for me to read the body language. They all want me, all the time, so anything they do says they want me... right Chris? Zip?
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
#53. To: Critter, rowdee (#51)
yes, you're irresistable. you forgot to ping rowdee. :P
#54. To: rack42 (#21)
Oh! .. Well gad ~ seems I've passed up more opportunities than I ever imagined :P
Men are almost always interested. Signal? He's talking to you.
#55. To: Critter (#51)
Of course ~ ;)
It's easy for me to read the body language. They all want me, all the time, so anything they do says they want me... right Chris? Zip?
#56. To: Zipporah (#54)
What do you expect guys to do except smile? Grab their package, shake it, and go "Ooka, ooka, ooka"?
Oh! .. Well gad ~ seems I've passed up more opportunities than I ever imagined :P
"We become what we behold. We shape our tools and thereafter our tools shape us." -- Marshall McLuhan, after Alexander Pope and William Blake.
#57. To: YertleTurtle (#56)
Hmmm ~ (mindwandering :P ) Oops ~uhem.. of course not... not sure what to expect honestly. :P
What do you expect guys to do except smile? Grab their package, shake it, and go "Ooka, ooka, ooka"?
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