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4play See other 4play Articles Title: The best and worst of Opinion Line 2006 (humor) Even if Opinion Line comments aren't always profound, they can be entertaining. Here are a few of our favorites from 2006: Home sour home Is the man I saw urinating at the corner of Broadway and Waterman the other morning classified as a street performer? I sure hope those new Tasers keep those public urinators under control. Maybe if we had a casino, we could afford some water for our river. If we had a casino in Wichita, we could buy a mountain and be like Denver. The River Festival has a $20 million impact on the city? It's amazing how funnel cakes, pickles on a stick and cigarettes add up. REO Speedwagon? Why don't they just call it the Wichita MulletFest? Fireworks going off until after midnight clearly illustrated the high number of unemployed idiots in Wichita. If I donated $200,000 to the city leaders of Wichita, I am sure they would use the money to do a study to see whether to accept it with their left hand or their right hand. Smoke detectors in the chicken coop at Old Cowtown Museum? What next? Wheelchair ramps for them? The National Square Dance Convention. The national grain elevator convention. Heck, with events like these, we're well on our way to hosting the Super Bowl. We'd better get that arena up quick. Do we really need to build a 24/7 homeless shelter, or would we be better off with longer hours for the Central Library and putting in some cots? Breasts, fashion statements As far as I'm concerned, the only thing wrong with breast-feeding in public is that the baby's head obstructs my view. If a woman breast-feeds her baby while lunching at Hooters, would other patrons be offended? Just curious. If you have stomach rolls, please stop wearing shorts that show them. Nobody wants to see that. If you have back rolls, please stop wearing halters. Nobody wants to see that, either. If you are 35 or older, short skirts, low-necked tops and tight jeans are not for you. Face it; your glory days are over. Cover up. Political punches Early prediction: Gov. Kathleen Sebelius will be defeated for re-election by Sen. Jim Barnett, R-Emporia, after he makes a fairly successful effort to mend the rift among the factions of the Kansas Republican Party. Vice President Dick Cheney has done what many people would like to do: Shoot a lawyer and get away with it. The best Mel Gibson can do is claim he was talking in tongues. Now he should run for the Kansas Legislature. Those blasted voting machines were supposed to be rigged so Republicans would keep Congress. I demand an audit. Why is it our most "Christian" politicians run the sleaziest campaigns? Hail to, at the chief Somebody tell George W. Bush that the ports are being sold to Dubai, not to Dubya. Bush may outspend some women, but if you match him against my wife, he's going to lose. To the feminist left and the castrated media: Bush is just flat-out too manly, and that's why you don't like him. I wonder if I am the only one who is sick and tired of seeing our first lady in slacks. In the name of God If evolution is false, then why are there so many hairy-backed men running around all summer? Some of them look just like apes. If there ever was such a thing as evolution -- which there is not -- yes, God would have created that, too. OK, I can't stand the wait any longer. Will someone please tell us what sins and sinners were being punished by God with all the hailstorms? For you alcoholics in Colwich, Andale and Garden Plain who can't get through Sunday without your booze: I hope you are prepared to face God and the rejection you will get from Him. If the TV show "American Idol" is the idol, then that makes the viewers the idolaters. If you are a Christian, you are told not to be an idolater. Think about it. Ought to be a law Instead of banning smoking in restaurants, they should ban blowing your nose in restaurants. That is what makes me sick. In order to curb teen sex, all youths should be married immediately. It's been my experience that once you're married, all the sex ends anyway. The time has come for Kansas Attorney General Phill Kline to outlaw all proms. A pink license plate for sexual predators? What color could be more attractive to a 10-year-old girl? My daughter would think that car is driven by the coolest guy on Earth. Make it a slimy green color. Apparently, unless the illegal Mexicans have broken our laws for at least two years, they haven't earned the right of citizenship. I am a heterosexual man who has been married for 58 years. Homosexual marriage does not threaten my marriage, but it does make a mockery of it. After the divorce I went through, I'm not sure any marriage should be legal. I was just wondering: If someone blows his deadly secondhand smoke in my face, can I defend myself with my new concealed firearm? I wish they would stop writing speeding tickets and start writing "impeding traffic" tickets. Offense taken Anyone who has a problem with his phone being tapped, his mail being intercepted and his e-mail being intercepted has to be a terrorist or not very patriotic. It would be nice to have my phone tapped. At least they would hear of my needs. Nobody else listens. Eleven million illegal aliens in the country, and I can't get a Cuban cigar in. Maybe gasoline prices will soon be so high that those people with booming car stereos will just stay at home and annoy their own neighbors. It still amazes me the number of cars and trucks that are sold in the city of Wichita and Sedgwick County that do not have turn signals. Here's a gas-saving tip: When the streetlight turns green, go. Don't just sit there and stare at it. Where can I find a rainbow flag? I'm not gay, but if it annoys the religious right, it sounds like a good thing to me. I don't appreciate people loading up vans with kids and taking them to "better" neighborhoods to trick-or-treat. Good grief, College Hill: Get over it. We buy candy for kids on Halloween. We don't care how they get to our neighborhood. As a senior citizen, I am ashamed of the crabby old people who keep complaining about children who cry in restaurants. These old fossils must have very short memories. Random rants A university without football is like smoking without inhaling. Now that Black History Month has wound down, let's do our best to have a smooth transition back to White History Year. Ann Coulter is by far the most physically, morally and intellectually attractive human being on the planet today. Ann Coulter is a heartless witch, and only people equally as cruel and mean would buy her despicable books. So the Rolling Bones are coming to town? Cessna Stadium had better install 10 times the wheelchair ramps to accommodate the bottleneck of personal-mobility scooters. Boycott the Wranglers. Oh, we already are. Scientists are saying again that wine is good for you. Next they'll be saying that the excitement from gambling is good for the cardiovascular system. Opinion Line opinions Compared with some of the Opinion Line contributors, I'll take an illegal alien for a neighbor any time. At least they know how to work, and don't grumble about people trying to better themselves. I am proudly proclaiming to all my friends that I am now an official Wichita idiot. I cite as sufficient evidence that I had a comment published in Opinion Line.
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#1. To: Indrid Cold (#0)
that one is rather perspicacious.
These were very funny, I particularly liked this one.
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