Looking for Mr. Wrong in All the Wrong Places Thu Mar 1, 2:00 AM ET
DEAR MARGO: I am an 18-year-old who finds herself attracted to middle-aged married men, gay men or those who are emotionally unavailable. It makes no sense to me because I have a good relationship with my father and am not looking for a "father figure." I simply find maturity and life experience incredibly sexy. I have no interest in "men" my age. They seem immature, irresponsible and generally incapable of carrying on a decent conversation. I have trouble motivating myself to be physically attracted to teenage guys, even though they're supposedly reaching their "prime."
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How do I cope with these detrimental attractions? It makes school uncomfortable for me because I find myself attracted to my male teachers, not the students.
Also, how would I break it to my ultra-conservative parents if I did start dating an older man? They trust me, and I am an all-around good kid (straight A's, non-drinking, non-drug using), but I know they would not approve.
--- LBY
DEAR L.: You've made an assumption that I'm not sure is valid. One's desire for a father figure is not always driven by an absent or indifferent father. It can also be motivated by a wonderful one, and a wish to remain Daddy's girl.
In any case, the attraction to married and gay men reveals a drive for forbidden and, as you say, unavailable partners. The desire for gay men also bespeaks an underlying need to be rejected.
Granted, for a sophisticated 18-year-old, guys your age may seem like twerps, but you are heading down an unhealthy path -- which, to be fair, you seem to understand.
I think the only way to end this behavior is to get a handle on it, and a good way to do that would be with a therapist. And don't forget to talk about your ultra-conservative parents.
--- MARGO, INVESTIGATIVELY
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