See other Science/Tech Articles
Title: Surgically alters thumbs to better use iPhone
Source:
northdenvernews.com
URL Source: http://northdenvernews.com/content/view/922/2/
Published: Aug 9, 2007
Author: James Benfly
Post Date: 2007-08-09 18:57:24 by Ferret Mike
Keywords: None
Views: 237
Comments: 8
Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling." "From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," explains Martel. "Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless." "This is really, on the edge sort of stuff," explains Dr. Robert Fox Spars, who worked on developing the procedure. "We're turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency." The procedure involved making a small incision into both thumbs and shaving down the bones, followed by careful muscular alteration and modification of the fingernails. While Martel's new thumbs now appear small and effeminate in comparison to his otherwise very large hands, he says he can still lift "pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery - though opening spaghetti sauce jars has been a problem. That was a big surprise."
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
#1. To: Ferret Mike (#0)
It's true! There's an idiot born every minute.
Unreal.What a total and complete idiot.Is this the start of a new evolution of the thumb? He must have ADD also.Can't keep a stylus?
Ron Paul for President
i have to say, i'm amazed that a surgeon would agree to do this thumb mutilation.
Micheal Jackson's nose surgeons still need to make a living don't they? Especially now he doesn't 'tune up' the girlish little thing every year like he used to. ;-D
Thesis: Official 9/11 story is an unproven conspiracy theory. http://911truth.org http://Justicefor911.org http://summeroftruth.org Probable-cause standards have been met for an unlimited investigation of unsolved crimes relating to the events of Sept. 11, including allegations of criminal negligence, cover-up, complicity or commission of the attacks by US officials and assets of intel services.
Next step: shaving the cranium into the most stylish Zippy the Pinhead look.
“When I am the weaker, I ask you for my freedom, because that is your principle; but when I am the stronger, I take away your freedom, because that is my principle.”-Louis Veuillot
Charles Stross wrote a book called Accelerando, which is an excellent piece of modern hard sci-fi. Good ole Alex Jones talks about "the transhumanist movement" as if, just because some bad people are in it, it must all be bad. However, astute observers note that this man's primary argument is TRUE. He said: it will pay for itself in time saved. Further, it can be shown that "augmentations" (technology integrated with your organism) add value by facilitating labor, and specifically employed labor. There's your organic market, and there is already demand. This can be shown by asking the core question: does technology improve the efficacy of your life? Of course it does. That is why were are tool makers, and why we slaughtered some pretty fierce natural competition. Every single time you pick up your coffee, you are proving the efficacy of the "intentionally affecting the nature of my organism (with chemistry)" model, so you don't feel as tired as you "naturally" would. Are you against condoms? I'm not. I, for one, have always wanted a HUD (Heads Up Display) on my retinas. How about video in virtual space in front of you? How about dumping phones entirely and running your wetware (ie: implants) wireless? And we can't stop there. Mining the asteroid belt is going to be HUGE industry in the future. Bruce Sterling created a class of character called "lobsters", humans who had built themselves in self-contained airtight "suits", precisely for deep space labor. These suits do not come off, ever. And depending on the job, modifications may be extensive: bionic muscles, extra fingers, enhancing sight by allowing me to see in radio or gamma wavelengths, and always wireless, else most would go mad. However, at a billion kilometers out, one might consider the energy costs for transmittin, despite that I can prove Tesla solved all energy problems forever more than a century ago. From first principles we have deduced a real demand in the market, and thus, if left unimpeded, transactions WILL occur. People are going to body mod for utility. More important than this guy, most people are excited about integrating a user interface that connects to data. And I'm NOT advocating being a good little sheep and taking your NWO ID chip. I'm an Autarchist, Rule of Self by Self. Basically an-cap for those I haven't 'splained autarchy to yet. I am saying I believe it would improve my life to be able to integrate digitally generated content into my sight. Then I wouldn't get headaches from staring at this crap monitor. And my proof is that I'd like to try some of the stuff out there. So, who the hell are you to tell me I can't (or shouldn't!) improve my life? It's MY carpal tunnel. And thus we see the only fact that matters: it is going to happen and there is nothing you can do to stop it. That guy's thumbs, my enhanced optics... people are going to say yes. My only question is: can I keep it market based, and destroy the state in the process? My answer: yes, and such is inevitable. Be well.
Zippy brings win to this thread.
#2. To: Ferret Mike (#0)
#3. To: Ferret Mike (#0)
#4. To: Ferret Mike, TommyTheMadArtist, IndieTx, Ellis_Wyatt, HOUNDDAWG, *you gotta be shitting me* (#0)
#5. To: christine (#4)
"i have to say, i'm amazed that a surgeon would agree to do this thumb mutilation."
#6. To: Ferret Mike (#0)
#7. To: Ferret Mike (#0)
"This is really, on the edge sort of stuff,"
#8. To: YertleTurtle (#6)
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest