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Title: The Granddaddy of All Bombs
Source:
IndieTX
URL Source: [None]
Published: Sep 12, 2007
Author: IndieTX
Post Date: 2007-09-12 15:55:19 by IndieTX
Keywords: None
Views: 118
Comments: 3
Beijing — Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Largest Bomb With The Best Name Awards," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Granddaddy of All Bombs," which they said would be way bigger than that stupid American "Mother of all Bombs" and the Russian "Daddy of all Bombs."
Bush and Putin, however, immediately dismissed the new bomb as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They have "The Granddaddy of All Bombs"... in their dreams!" declared Russian President Vladimer Putin.. "Everybody knows we're the best at biggest... best at being biggest... we're the biggest."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being disbelieved, although they conceded they did ask if they could rename their bomb to "Little Daddy."
"Russia told us it was copyrighted," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An bomb can't have more than one "Daddy," explained Putin. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had "Pearl Harbor." You can't have any more "Pearl" anythings. And a secret handshake. Ours is wicked cool."
THE BOMB PANDEMIC
International reaction to Syria's "Granddaddy of all Bombs" declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain status in what became a game of who has the biggest cylindrical explosive ejaculate device. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said they had formed the "Grandmother of all Bombs", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar and develop "The Crybaby Bomb", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Congo established the "BimBamBooom."
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable bomb names filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to have their bomb be called the "Bombs of Countries That Aren't the Biggest But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics;" Canada, Mexico, and Australia named a bomb the "BahamaMama" that is actually quite large but secretly has nasty thoughts about America's "Mother of all Bombs", while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the "ShrubberyBomb" that isn't large at all but that is because they sometimes ask sheep to wear lipstick.
"That's, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Putin rejected the establishment of the any other named bomb as an infringement of sovereignty.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to name any of its bombs, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one cared.
--IndieTX
Poster Comment:
This story was adapted by one written by Andrew Marlatt which first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002, and was subsequently published in several major newspapers, including this version still available at The Washington Post. Here is the URL to the original story as written by Marlatt, from which I adapted. http://satirewire.com/news/jan02/axis.shtml
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#1. To: IndieTX (#0)
(Edited)
You is a anti-semiticist you cracka! every ho knows WE has da biggest can shaped ejaculative device thingies and we calls it the "Wall of Jericho' Yo Mama Bomb"~shalom
I thought I recognized the verbage. The original axis of evil one was funny too. The Onion ought to pick up the mommy and daddy bomb story.
Pinguinite.com EcuadorTreasures.ec
Yes, and now granddaddy. Quite the loving family portrait.
Ron Paul for President - Join a Ron Paul Meetup group today!
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to name any of its bombs, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one cared.
I worship Israel. Kill all Arabs and let Allah sort 'em out. We are the chosen ones. Shalom.
My Rabbi is my dentist.
Gots to keep da' money in da' family.
#2. To: IndieTX (#0)
#3. To: Pinguinite (#2)
The Onion ought to pick up the mommy and daddy bomb story.
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