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9/11 See other 9/11 Articles Title: Was Osama Some Sort Of 911 Superman? Osama arose early that September day and donned his cloaking device, a cape that made him invisible and impervious to all detection. Next he pocketed some pixie dust, a powerful magic dust that can cast an evil spell of utter stupidity over certain American patriots Osama sprinkled it on. Within seconds, at the speed of light, he sped to two different airports at once, to whisk 19 hijackers through four different passenger check ins without anyone being spotted. He sprinkled some pixie dust on all the airline hostesses, who stupidly never logged a single hijacker onto their computers. Next he flew to NORAD headquarters, entered with his cloaking device, and sprinkled pixie dust on the top USAF generals there. Osama knew no planes would fly that day. But he wanted to make sure. So he sped to Washington DC at the speed of light, and sprinkled pixie dust over Don Rumsfeld at the Pentagon and Dick Cheney at the White House. Instantly the two super patriots became utterly stupid, utterly useless and utterly unpatriotic. Luckily Super Osama would not have to waste any pixie dust on Dubya, the President already doing his best to act stupid somewhere in Florida. Airborne, the hijacked Boeing jetliners sped westward, with stupid, untrained pilots at the controls. Using his super powers, Osama whisked the off-course planes back towards the targets he had chosen, back towards the east, untroubled by NORAD fighters or patriotic Neocon politicians, or failed Cessna pilots at the controls, who might foil his plan. While the Boeings headed towards their targets, the evil Osama used his super powers to whisk tons of gold from the vaults beneath the World Trade Towers. Next he sped into FBI headquarters, his cloak of invisibility allowing him access, and sprinkled pixie dust over the smartest FBI agents there. Super Osama knew, once the targets were struck and destroyed, these suddenly stupid FBI agents would rush to the scene of the destruction and remove all the CCTV tapes and the black boxes and hide them forever from the American people. But one thing troubled Osama. Pixie dust would not work on ALL the American people all the time. Only on those predisposed to stupidity. Vexed for a moment, Osama suddenly brightened. The stupidest people in America already worked for the US mainstream media. The well-connected talking heads would assure the success of his plan. Pixie dust would make pundits and reporters even stupider. Gladdened, Osama flew to the trade towers and, still invisible, pushed the tall buildings down in seconds flat. Amused at himself, he squashed Building 7 for good measure in seven seconds flat. Later he sprinkled his last pixie dust over EPA director Christine Todd Whitman, making her so stupid that she claimed airborne-laden asbestos was healthy for humans. And people actually believed her. By mid-afternoon, Osama relaxed at his secret underground lair on Tora Bora, removed his cloaking device and planned his next super crime. To be continued... Douglas Herman writes for Rense regularly while avoiding pixie dust.
Poster Comment: The best part was when Osama had Allah resurrect the hijackers of Flight 77 that hit the Pentagon so the Armed Forces Institute of Pathology could find no Arab DNA in the wreckage.
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#1. To: Horse (#0)
The author is an idiot. Speaking of magic, how about hundreds if not thousands of people who pull off an impossibly complex conspiracy -- the most complex in the history of the world -- and then disappear completely and keep their mouths shut for the rest of their lives? Not one finds Jesus, or is concerned someone is going to bump him off ("Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead"), or gets drunk and blabbers, or decides he wants more money...nope. By the way, there is no such thing as "Arab DNA." The only they could have done a DNA test is with fluids...and there were no fluids left from incinerated pieces of bodies.
"He is a very shallow critic who cannot see an eternal rebel in the heart of a conservative." - G.K. Chesterton
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