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4play See other 4play Articles Title: Useful Quotes..... well, maybe not..... "There's more than one way to peel a cat." "That woman uses olive oil like it grows on trees." "He'd give you the arm off his back." "You play ball with me and I'll scratch yours." "We do not have a smoking cow at this point." "It's our golden goose. We better figure out how to make her purr." "You are in the top one hundred percent." "She has four kids, and she's pregnant with her third." "He'd still be alive today if he hadn't died.” "How many quarters can you cut an apple into?" "The gunman was believed to be armed." "Why don't they just put the water back in the lake when it's been through the generator?" "I'm up to my earballs in work." "It's a dog eat dog world, and by golly, we better make sure we're the dog." "I'm up to my ass in elbows and alligators." "Is your nephew a boy or a girl?" "Put yourself in my pants." "I just got bit by a bee! Those damn bees have the sharpest teeth I have ever seen!" “Do you think this store has any of that fellatio bread?" "This week, if not sooner." "People are dying like pancakes around here." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Thanks to the loyal members of Dogbert’s New Ruling Class for submitting these true tales of Induhvidualism. == We are driving through the countryside and pass a ranch. My girlfriend’s expression brightens and she squeals “Look at the pretty horses!” I look over and observe several cows. I reply, “No dear, those are not horses; they are cows.” The bright expression drains from her face and is replaced with a sulky and angry glare. She responds, “I don’t care what they are called; you can still ride them!” == My son and I were changing light bulbs together and he asked, "Why do people make jokes about changing light bulbs? I mean, it’s so easy!" == One of my father-in-law's calculus students inquired about the status of her mid-term exam. Upon learning that she had scored 7 points, she asked how many points were possible. "One hundred points," my father-in-law replied. "Oh, man, that's like two percent!" she responded in disbelief. == Yesterday I was an Induhvidual. I stopped by an auto dealer to buy some touch up paint. To ensure the color was correct, I touched up a couple of chipped areas on my car. Then I pressed the button on my key fob, but the door didn't unlock. After a couple more tries I realized I touched up the wrong car. My car - same model and color - was right next to it. == I was in a geography class and the teacher asked "Any questions?" The student next to me piped up "Is that map life size?"
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#1. To: richard9151 (#0)
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
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