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Title: Homo Self Test
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Published: Nov 3, 2007
Author: Unknown
Post Date: 2007-11-03 18:31:25 by YertleTurtle
Keywords: None
Views: 461
Comments: 25
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates wherever he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too. 6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. 8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.
Poster Comment: Looks like I'm not gay.
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#1. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
(Edited)
Lots of great clues, but I had to go with this one. I mean, Decaf Soy Latte - is there such a thing?
The surest sign that someone is a flaming queer is that they spend time making up criterion lists on what behavior indicates others are gay. I think they call it "overcompensating".
I've always said that any man that puts french vanilla cream in his coffee is a fag.
Dumber people than me have done it.
OK which one of the eight are you guilty of?
Dumber people than me have done it.
While my car was being fixed last year, I ended up sitting next to some very fat gay guy with a lisp and a cat named "Pumpkin." We had an enjoyable conservation, and he informed me that "male cats are more affectionate." I had a pretty good time instead of reading all the magazines while waiting for them to change my fuel pump.
Fortune favors the prepared mind. A zombie, however, prefers it raw.
Well I'm not a fat slob that pisses in the Walmart parking lot, and I don't drink the sludge coffee at the Stop N' Go, and since I have more than a 2 digit IQ I can name muffins, cookies, chocolate cake, and cobbler, so I guess a good many of them.
Count on it. Silly, but its there. I pinch hit at the church coffee shop.
"Satan / Cheney in "08"
That was funny, but I disagree with the cat part! Many hetero guys have cats.
They're actually dogs in cat suits.
Fortune favors the prepared mind. A zombie, however, prefers it raw.
Being affectionate has nothing to do with gayness, and everyone prefers an affectionate cat, they are comfy and snuggly. They are suppose to help lower blood pressure when they sit on your lap and purr, and also some studies have shown that the frequency of their purring strengthens your bones, can help prevent osteoperosis!
I'm not gay x 8, but I would like to see your pug.
They do say male cats are more affectionate, though it helps to neuter them. I have a female cat, she is affectionate and sitting on my lap right now, though she's not purring at the moment.
Awww, him so cute.
Fortune favors the prepared mind. A zombie, however, prefers it raw.
I have to take your word on this one - but, goodness, I hope that it's a slow-mover.
Yes, the cat rap is crap. It takes a real man to deal with a real cat. Their personalities are all over the map.
I've known a lot of guys who had cats, and it's true that they can have all kinds of personalities. Some are goofy and funny, some are laid back and like to be petted a lot. I have an Oriental which is like Siamese without the color points. She is quiet and sweet though she's a talker. I did have a Cornish Rex but he was way too wild and rambunctious. He prefers men, so I gave him to some friends here, a guy and his family with a bunch of boys. They really like him and he likes them too. He was too much of a handful for me, though he was very comical, but he never really bonded with me. He was a boy cat through and through.
I don't know of any more vocal breed or mix that the Siamese - they will NOT be ignored, if you value your sleep or your sanity.
What about running for Congress as a Republican or posting on LP? Isn't that a dead give away?
Bunch of internet bums ... grand jury --- opium den ! ~ byeltsin
Repubicans have wide stances.
Fortune favors the prepared mind. A zombie, however, prefers it raw.
Many nursing homes now allow cats to wander the rooms...patients love them, and the staffs have noticed a distinct improvement in the demeanor of patients since their feline friends arrived on the scene. (Excepting Oscar, of course.) I would like to see more of an effort made to place kittens from shelters placed at nursing homes; to the benefit of both patient and kitty.
Yes, we do.
I always wondered - if you have low blood pressure and you pet a cat, will you die?
We "have" cats. We "bond" with dogs. LOL.
Law Enforcement Against Prohibition I always thought that shrill, yappie lapdogs (shitsus, pomeranians, bichonfrise, etc) rather than cats are the homo pet of choice.
This is a real dog: Dumber people than me have done it.
If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.
#2. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#3. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#4. To: SmokinOPs (#2)
The surest sign that someone is a flaming queer is that they spend time making up criterion lists on what behavior indicates others are gay.
#5. To: Critter (#3)
I've always said that any man that puts french vanilla cream in his coffee is a fag.
#6. To: Critter (#4)
(Edited)
OK which one of the eight are you guilty of?
#7. To: lodwick (#1)
I mean, Decaf Soy Latte - is there such a thing?
#8. To: YertleTurtle, All (#0)
#9. To: Diana (#8)
Many hetero guys have cats.
#10. To: YertleTurtle, christine, cat owners (#5)
While my car was being fixed last year, I ended up sitting next to some very fat gay guy with a lisp and a cat named "Pumpkin." We had an enjoyable conservation, and he informed me that "male cats are more affectionate."
#11. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#12. To: YertleTurtle (#9)
#13. To: Jethro Tull (#11)
I'm not gay x 8, but I would like to see your pug.
#14. To: tom007 (#7)
Count on it. Silly, but its there.
#15. To: Diana. cat lovers here (#12)
#16. To: lodwick (#15)
#17. To: Diana (#16)
Nice.
#18. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
#19. To: Minerva (#18)
What about running for Congress as a Republican or posting on LP?
#20. To: Diana (#10)
Being affectionate has nothing to do with gayness, and everyone prefers an affectionate cat, they are comfy and snuggly. They are suppose to help lower blood pressure when they sit on your lap and purr, and also some studies have shown that the frequency of their purring strengthens your bones, can help prevent osteoperosis!
Remember...G-d saved more animals than people on the ark. www.siameserescue.org
#21. To: Diana (#8)
Many hetero guys have cats.
Remember...G-d saved more animals than people on the ark. www.siameserescue.org
#22. To: Diana (#10)
They are suppose to help lower blood pressure when they sit on your lap and purr
#23. To: Diana (#8)
Many hetero guys have cats.
"There is no 'legitimate' Corporation by virtue of it's very legal definition and purpose."
-- IndieTx
#24. To: YertleTurtle (#0)
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
#25. To: Rupert_Pupkin (#24)
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