Title: Joke - Source:
dinner table URL Source:[None] Published:Nov 22, 2007 Author:refuses to be named Post Date:2007-11-22 17:10:02 by Peppa Keywords:None Views:1639 Comments:47
Two blondes.
One says to the other, Which do you think is farther away from us, Florida, or the moon.
The other says, Duhhhhhhhhh, You can SEE the moon can't you?
The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
He asks the blonde clerk "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The blonde clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The pharmacist yells: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a laxative!"
The blonde clerk responds, "Of course you can! Look at him, he's afraid to Cough!"
Bubba Bill and Junior Bush were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
A blonde lady walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba Bill, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and an enounced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.
Junior Bush shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.
As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "CRAP ! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
My wife had to work yesterday's holiday at the nursing home at which she is employed.
An old gal who has long since reached the point of dementia to which, sadly, many of us are destined, rolled her wheelchair up beside a man sitting in his and promptly queried him.
"Would you like to screw me?"
Two nurses standing nearby heard her, broke up, and immediately spread the story around the facility, thereby lightening their holiday duty.
An old gal who has long since reached the point of dementia to which, sadly, many of us are destined
Not to get off the joke topic, but it IS sad that "many are destined" to wind up with Alzheimer's, ALS (Lou Gherig's), Parkinson's, or other neurological degenerative diseases such as these.
WHY it is so sad is because for most people it can be PREVENTED.
The leading cause of these diseases are diet. In particular, excitotoxins are a main culprit. MSG (which IS "hidden" under about 30 different names on food labels) and Aspartame are 2 of the worst. There is an excellent book on the subject - Excitotoxins: The Taste That Kills by Russell Blaylock that I highly recommend for anyone interested in trying to avoid becoming a sad statistic.
Another major culprit is aluminum. The biggest contributor of aluminum in the diet is aluminum cookware. You can boil water in an aluminum pot, and if you send in a sample of that water to a lab it will show aluminum in it...
Prevention truly IS the best medicine! Once you've contracted one of these diseases (as we all know) there is no cure for it. HOWEVER, it can be stopped from progressing any worse. Again diet is the key. Another book I highly recommend is Rare Earths Forbidden Cures by Joel Wallach. Good stuff!
Just wanted to let everybody know.. NOW, back to the jokes - I've been enjoying the laughs!
Prevention truly IS the best medicine! Once you've contracted one of these diseases (as we all know) there is no cure for it. HOWEVER, it can be stopped from progressing any worse. Again diet is the key. Another book I highly recommend is Rare Earths Forbidden Cures by Joel Wallach. Good stuff!
Great info Innie.
I'm putting my aluminum foil on my watch list.
;)
I think I will make your book recommendation a Christmas gift.
Folic acid, vitamins B6 and B12 are now widely advocated for people over 55 years, as they have been shown to fight elevated homocystein, a toxic amino acid, linked to memory loss and dementia. But those are not the only B vitamins that may boost your memory. The PubMed data base has hundreds of documents suggesting that also thiamin (B1) and niacin (B3) are equally important.
Elderly people who get relatively low amounts of these B vitamins in their diets may be more likely to develop Alzheimer's within the next few years than others. Here is the latest research on niacin, presented this week at the Gerontological Society of America's 55th Annual Scientific Meeting in Boston, Massachusetts